Dear Five Guy Burgers and Fries,

 http://www.fiveguys.com/

Thanks for being there---in a sea of lousy burgers, I can count on consistent awesomeness from you---no matter where I am in the country.

After the weakness disguised as cheeseburgers that I powered down this past week, it was good to swing by the Five Guys in Carson, CA for a cheeseburger worth eating.  Only in Southern California would the free peanuts be unsalted...what the heck?  Other than that, excellent as always.

I look forward to the day that Five Guys makes it to the West Side of LA, so that I don't need to drive 20 miles to get the burger that In 'n' Out should aspire to be.

Yours,

Just The Tip

PS--the peanuts are now salted. Thanks again, Five Guys for being awesome.

Karl Strauss Brewery and Restaurant -- Carlsbad, CA

I'm spending the weekend at Legoland with the most junior of the Burger Busters, Happy Meal.  He is a true Burger Buster, because he will throw a fit if there is anything but meat, cheese, and bun. Bless the lad.

We pointed the car at civilization, and based upon the advise of the staff at the local Starbucks (yes, I know--I don't need anyone to point out the obvious.), we stopped at the Karl Strauss Brewery and Restaurant.  We started off with the beer braised assorted German sausages, which were fantastic, and the mustard was the best thing that I have had since my last trip to der Vaterland.  We should have left on that high note.  We did not.

The burger came exactly as ordered--bare and Med Rare.  Kudos for not screwing around--they nailed the Med Rare.  The menu promised LEAN beef--I checked with the waiter, and he indicated that the burger was ground round.  The burger meat was nicely aged, loosely packed, and ground just right.  Also, it was like eating an oil slick.  I don't know what LEAN meant to Karl, but I have to imagine that it involved grease up to the wrist--I felt like I was prepping to fist a first-timer, and I wanted to be a considerate lover.  On the subject of oily messes, they made a point of slathering the bun with butter, and they did not bother toasting it.  It was like Karl Strauss really had something against healthy hearts. They also didn't season the frigging thing, so it was just a giant (1/2lb), greasy, bland "up yours" aimed at the palette and arteries. Had they substituted the phrase "bland and furiously oily" for "lean" I would have no cause for complaint.

Burger Review :  NO!  This was a brutally greasy cheeseburger.
Rating...1 Bite

Anisette Brasserie -- Los Angeles, CA

CLOSED--THANK GAWD

225 Santa Monica Blvd. 

Santa Monica, CA 90401

It's been about a month since the last post, but there's been nothing new to reveal---the burger at Olives was still  amazing--they even over-cooked it, and it was still the best thing in Vegas without boobs.  

Sadly, the burger at Anisette Brasserie could not claim similar bragging rights.  Note: the only reason that we went there was because The Yard was not open for lunch.

Now, for 16 bucks you're thinking, "This is going to be a tasty, well-prepared burger."  You Sir, are wrong. What you get is a charred puck of over-cooked beef on a bun, which dwarfs the burger and really brings to light the fact that this is one dry-ass burger.

#1--They overcooked the burger--the only passable bite was the center--3 burgers ordered Med Rare--3 burgers served Med Well--at least they were consistent.

#2--The grill (not griddle) was set way too high, so the predominant flavor was char, which was sad, because the beef was really quite good.

#3--How about some salt and GD pepper?  It makes everything pop! They failed to season the beef inside or out, so I was left slathering this thing in mustard just to feel something...anything.

#4--I'm all for skipping excess calories--that's why I am such a handsome and muscular man, but a little fat in this burger-shaped dust bunny would have lent some much needed moisture.

#5--They served it with pancetta rather than bacon--Pancetta is bacon's rancid cousin--normally you'd wave this nastiness off, but this burger was so bland, that spoiled pork actually improved the flavor.
#6--The massive bun dwarfed the over-cooked patty, which took this cheeseburger from dry to Sahara. They managed to char the bun, so that added to the general unpleasantness of the dish.

If you're feeling particularly heath conscious and order a salad instead of fries, the joke will be on you--that salad was a wad of plain butter lettuce, which you will not eat, so don't bother--enjoy the fries, fat ass--they are better than the burger.

Burger Review :  I hear The Yard is pretty good.  Anisette Brasserie is worthless.

Rating...1 Bite