Farmer Boys -- Rubidoux, CA

3735 Valley Way
Rubidoux, CA 92509
951-681-6800
website

Another Summer Saturday...another road trip to the water park with Happy Meal...another cheeseburger. This time it was Farmer Boys in Rubidoux, CA. Besides, Farmer Boys boasted that they sold the World's Greatest Hamburgers (TM)...yes, they trademarked that phrase. It took some serious clankers to make that sort of claim, and Sheriff Happy Meal and I were there to ensure that this bold statement was warranted.

Parking was readily available in the attached lot. We ordered our cheeseburgers at the counter--a double for Happy Meal and The Natural for myself. We found seating and settled in for a brief, 5-minute wait as our burgers sizzled on the flat-top.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef:  Farmer Boys was a 69-unit franchise, so it was safe to assume that the Chuck arrived pre-ground from a centralized distributor. The beef was coarsely ground. It was about 20% fat, but it was not greasy at all. The beef was nicely juicy. The 1/3 pound patty of The Natural was substantially similar to the 1/4 pound patties in Happy Meal's double cheeseburger. In both cases, the beef was mildly beefy. The burgers both lacked any real complexity in terms of aging or mineral notes. The beef was fine, average, OK, ordinary.

The Seasoning: The burgers were lightly salted as they cooked. These burgers needed a little more help than this smattering of seasoning if Farmer Boys really hoped to live up to their bold catch phrase.

The Sear: The burgers were smashed on an adequately hot griddle, but the sear was unremarkable.

The Preparation: The burgers at Farmer Boys were flattened to order as they cooked. The burgers were cooked to a juicy Well-Done.

The Cheese: This was the high note of the dish. The Natural came with two slices of American cheese. While the American cheese sort of voided out the concept of naturalness, it certainly did reinforce the concept of cheesy deliciousness. The cheese was thick, creamy, gooey, savory, and all of the other good things that we have come to know and love about American cheese. The same could be said for the cheese on the double cheeseburger that Happy Meal worked over. I managed to taste only a sliver of his burger before he promised me lasting physical damage.

The Bun: Farmer Boys served the burgers on fresh, but barely toasted, potato buns. The buns were very nearly flavorless. However, the buns were moist and just chewy enough. The buns were adequate.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Flawless.

The Toppings: I requested no toppings.

The Fries: The peel-off, previously-frozen, par-cooked fries were perfectly crisped and served hot. The fries at Farmer Boys were under-salted, but we remedied that at the table.

The Value: We dropped $16.44 on two cheeseburgers, an order of fries, a small shake, and a soft drink. Neither of us could finish our food. The flavor was average, and the portions were generous. The value was fine.

The cheeseburgers are Farmer Boys were pretty darned far from best the world's greatest. The burgers were average in terms of flavor. The quality of ingredients was high, but the flavor just wasn't there.

Burger Review : Average tasting burgers at a fair price.

Rating...3 Bites

Editor's Note: At the time that I wrote this review, Olympic women's beach volleyball was on. Rather than the bikinis that I had come to view as my right to enjoy, the women were sporting full-length tights. This was a sad day for the sport--this was a sadder day for me. Either the uniforms have to change back, or beach volleyball gets taken off the roster of Olympic events. It was simply unwatchable and massively disappointing. All that I could think about was how horribly hot and uncomfortable those poor girls must have been.

The Misfit Restaurant + Bar -- Santa Monica, CA

225 Santa Monica Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90401
310-656-9800
website

Anisette Brasserie was blessedly a thing of the past. It was now only a wincing memory of scorched beef and bun. The Misfit had taken over the long-vacant space. The Misfit was an LGO (Le Grande Orange) project. LGO was sort of hit and miss in terms of burgers...BUT....The Misfit had recently earned the distinction of serving the best burger in Santa Monica by the readers of the Santa Monica Patch. It got 61% of the votes, while Father's Office received 17%--17% too many.

I had to find out for myself. I found parking in one of the numerous public parking structures that abound near the Santa Monica Promenade. The Misfit was bustling, but my party was seated promptly in the upstairs area. This was close to the open kitchen with a nice view of the bar.  Do not sit upstairs at The Misfit if you like your clothing. Periodically, the pungent smell of burnt food would waft through the area. The smell that best described it was  "old athletic shoe burning in an oven." This sorely detracted from the dining experience.

We ordered up a couple of The Misfit Burgers ($13 each...no fries) and settled in for a 15-minute wait.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The Misfit touted that it used only 100% grass-fed, organic, open space beef that was "really good for you." Like most things that are "really good for you," the beef in The Misfit Burger did not taste very good. The burger meat was only moderately beefy and it was scorched. This caused a bitter note of carbon to prevail. I lost interest in tracking down the source of the beef after I took my first bite. The coarsely ground beef was on the chewy side. The over-cooked burger was somewhat dried out, and it was certainly dwarfed by the bun. The beef was most likely Chuck, and the fat content was probably in the 20% range. There was a faint hint of wet-aging. The beef was not at all juicy. I was not sure where my 13 bucks went, but I was certain that it did not go to the beef in The Misfit Burger.

The Seasoning: The Misfit kitchen applied a weak dash of salt and no pepper to the exterior of the irregular, hand-formed, 1/3 pound burger patty. The seasoning was woefully lacking.

The Sear: The sear on my burger was the sort of sear that occurs when a burger is forgotten on the hot part of the grill. The sear was infused with bitter carbon. Because the burger was over-cooked, the sear failed to add an element of crispness. It simply contributed to the overall leatheriness of the texture.

The Preparation: The hand-formed, small, over-priced burgers were likely pattied up during the prep cycle at The Misfit. The burgers were turned once (this is proper) on a blazingly hot gas-fired grill. I ordered my burger Medium, and it came out a very dry Med-Well. Med-Well is not the end of the world when the beef is good. A quality patty of juicy burger meat can stand up to a high cooking temp and still deliver the goods. This was not the case here.

The Cheese: The thick slice of Tillamook Cheddar was non-assertive in the way this Cheddar almost always comes across. The Cheddar was moderately salty, and this was a blessing in that it compensated, partially, for the under-seasoned beef.

The Bun: Woof! My bun was both oily and leathery. Had I wanted a chew toy, I would have gone to PetCo and saved a couple of bucks. My bun was clearly stale. It was moderately sweet. It was also heavily buttered and weakly toasted--cool to the touch.I immediately set it aside.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: The big, stale, leathery bun dominated the small, over-cooked chuck puck.

The Toppings: The tomato slice was ripe and juicy. The rocket (arugula) was crisp and fresh. The fried egg was perfectly prepared. The stone ground mustard was terrific.

Wait--there was more....at the end of the meal, the wait staff brought around a tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. This seemed like a nice touch until I bit into mine. It was so incredibly salty that it took a tremendous force of will not to spit this into my napkin. It mentioned this to the staff, and they indicated that the cookies were "dusted" with sea salt. It seemed that I got all of that batches salt on my cookie. It almost seemed fitting considering the quality of the rest of the meal.

In fairness, my dining partner's burger was nowhere near as bad as my burger. That was like a different burger--a better but not great burger. That said, this review is of the burger that I was served. What I had was over-cooked, under-seasoned, and over-priced. I was stunned that The Misfit had earned an award for what I had just eaten.

Burger Review : The burger at The Misfit was a solid misfire. The Misfit faithfully maintained the unpleasant burger legacy of its predecessor Anisette Brasserie.

Rating...2 Bites 

Blue Dog Beer Tavern -- Sherman Oaks, CA

4524 Saugus Ave.
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
818-990-2583
website

I found myself in the San Fernando Valley on a Saturday afternoon, and Blue Dog Beer Tavern was nearest untried burger joint on my lengthy list of cheeseburgers to sample in Southern California. Parking was free in the attached lot. It was late on a Saturday afternoon, and the establishment was just starting to fill up for the dinner rush. The first thing that I noticed was that the walls were covered with framed dog photos. The second thing that I noticed was the wonderful smell of cooked meat filling the air. I hoped for good things as I ordered my burger.

My meal took about 15 minutes to arrive. As I waited, I watched many fine-looking burgers make their way to diner's tables. In particular, the sear on the burgers leaving the kitchen was remarkable. I also took note of an extensive beer menu. Blue Dog Beer Tavern had a huge bottled beer selection, and 8 beers on tap.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The burger meat at Blue Dog Beer Tavern was 1/3 of a pound of 80:20, grass-fed, wet-aged, Chuck from the Cysco Foods. This was a fresh/never-frozen product. The fat content was the customary 20%. I didn't expect much of the Cysco beef, but I was pleasantly surprised. "Surprised" like discovering that Superchunk had covered Bananarama's Cruel Summer, and it was pretty darned good. Check it out. When I bit into my burger, I found that the beef was loosely packed and just a little on  the crumbly side. The texture was brisket-like in that the tender beef fibers lingered on my palate. This was a pleasant surprise. The flavor was mildly beefy, and there was a faint taste of funk from the wet-aging. The Chuck was also sufficiently juicy. The beef, while not spectacular, was certainly better than average.

The Seasoning: The exterior of the patty was treated with just enough sea salt to round out the bite, the sea salt brought out the beefy flavors in the burger.

The Sear: The sear on my burger came out looking a little anemic compared with the other burgers that I had witnessed leaving the busy kitchen. Still, it was adequate, and it provided just enough crunch to make the bite interesting.

The Preparation: The irregular 1/3 pound burger patties at Blue Dog Beer Tavern were portioned up during morning prep. The burgers were smashed on a hot griddle and turned once. This was a great way to create a tender and juicy burger. This method of minimal handling did not serve to create chewy protein bonds in the ground beef. Even though the default cooking temperature was Med-Rare, I went with Medium to melt more of the collagen and develop some beefier flavors. The kitchen faithfully honored my request.

The Cheese: This was one of those rare cases where a medium Cheddar worked on a burger. The chewiness of the Cheddar was precisely the right texture to reign in the looseness of the beef. The combination of the firm cheese and crumbly ground beef delivered a solid bite. The flavor of the cheese was barely noticeable.

The Bun: Blue Dog Beer Tavern employed a mildly toasted, caramelized, potato bun. It sounded fancy, but it was neutral and adequate. The bun did its job, yet it never demanded any attention of its own.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: This was tight.

The Fries: The fries were peel-on and hand cut. These babies were prepared using an elaborate 9-step cooking process, which involved lots of cooking, brining, and chilling. The result was perfectly crisp fries with creamy centers and a strong earthy flavor. They kitchen finished the fries with a nice sprinkling of sea salt. The chili on the chili fries was of the creamy variety that I have come to expect of Southern California. It was rich and tasty.

The Toppings: All of the vegetation was fresh and crisp. The bacon, was overly salty, and it tended to mask the flavor of my companion's burger.

The Value: Two $10 cheeseburgers w/ fries and  two soft drinks at Blue Dog Beer Tavern came out to about $34 with tax and tip. Considering the quality of ingredients and preparation, the value was better than average.

Burger Review : Blue Dog Beer Tavern served up a fine burger and finer fries. The place was clean and bustling. If you find yourself in Sherman Oaks with time to kill, this is a fine place to do so. The burgers were solid, and the beers were varied.

Rating...4 Bites