Claim Jumper -- Carlsbad CA

Located throughout the West Coast--this one is in Carslbad, CA
Claim Jumper Website

I took Happy Meal to LegoLand for the weekend, and after a day at the 2nd happiest place on Earth, it was time to get some snacks.

I asked the waitress if she preferred the chicken-fried steak or the burger, and she suggested the latter.  1/2 pound burger--no wonder The Biggest Loser is so well loved.  In good conscience I must advise you not to eat the whole thing.  I didn't--I wanted to live for a couple of more years.

Since it was a half pound, I ordered it Med, so that the middle would come out right.  I also wanted some of that fat to render out.

The Burger Breakdown... 

1. Grilled not griddled, so the sear was spotty.
2. The buttered the hell out of the toasted bun, so if you visit, you should go ahead and apologize to your heart on the way in.
3. The ground Chuck was not aged, so that front note of funk was lacking.  It was an 80/20 blend at best with a medium grind.
4. That bun was nice and squishy, so it had a good mouth feel--it wasn't overly sweet, so it didn't compete with the light touch on the seasonings on the burger meat itself.
5. The cheese was a flavorful Tillamook Cheddar.
6. They seasoned the exterior, so it had that element working for it.
7. The beef was pretty oily, so I fell in love with my napkin all over again.

It was a pretty OK burger, and since Five Guys was an hour away.......it was the burger that we had to work with.

Burger Review :  Not bad--not great, but not bad.

Rating...3 Bites

Hamburger Hamlet -- West Hollywood, CA

Hamburger Hamlet
9201 Sunset Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA 90069
Hamburger Hamlet Website

Parking is a big bitch when it comes to Hamburger Hamlet.  Valet will double the price of the meal, and it's just a burger, right?  We got lucky and found a spot--up the hill--and somehow we did not get towed, so WIN.

The burger...meh.  The sear was nothing to write home about. They hit it with salt and pepper--more pepper than salt, which was not awesome. It was coarsely ground chuck--lean but over-manipulated, which made it a little chewy--that, coupled with the leanness, didn't work from a mouth feel standpoint.  The big MEH here was the sheer bloodlessness of this burger.  It was perfectly Med Rare, and it had that front note of aged beef, but  the umami middle note of salty blood was missing.

Meat is tasty, tasty murder, and a good burger should taste like a crime scene--this burger tasted like a lab coat.  The lacking middle note with the end note of pepper was just odd.

The potato (?) bun was toasted  and just soft enough to balance out the chewiness, and the American cheese almost filled the void left by the missing blood, fat, and salt.

This burger fell well short of the flavor mark, but was just fine in terms of preparation and presentation.  The beef really needs to change if this burger is to ever be worth eating.  The mesquite fries were good.

Burger Review --  Bloodless and joyless.

Rating...2 Bites

R + D Kitchen -- Santa Monica, CA

It's on Montana in Santa Monica
but you don't need to go there...not for a burger...under any circumstances.
R + D Kitchen Website

Let's lead off with---this was an all around crappy burger.

Ready...Set...Terrible!  This was just plain nasty, boys and girls.

The patty, while cooked to a perfect Med Rare, must have been cooked with a steam wand, because this bland, GREASY mess had no sear to bind it or add the remotest hint of texture.  It had the consistency of wet dog food, so it was downright unpleasant.

It came on a cold, un-toasted bun that was chewy and spongy.

It was accompanied with a gang of wet crap.

They slathered this thing with everything: mayo, ketchup, and some sort of vermiform slaw, which brought to mind a fistful of pin worms. How about a fistful of raw, chopped, white onion?  Yep, I got that, too.

After I had scraped off the oily, wet gunk , I was left with a burger that was greasy as hell, and bland, bland, bland--no seasoning whatsoever.

The fries--sort of interesting, but by accident--they must have fried some corn product in the same oil as the fries, so they tasted vaguely like a greasy, taco shell.

You have been warned.

Burger Review : If you like Father's Office, you will love this foul, nasty, wet mess.

Rating...1 Bite