Burger Joint -- San Francisco, CA

Multiple locations in San Francisco...this review is of the airport (SFO) location
website

Fat Bruce Lee and I were on our way back to Los Angeles, and we spotted Burger Joint on the concourse of the Virgin Terminal at SFO. Jackpot! The menu promised the following: "...meats that are humanely and sustainably raised on family farms and ranches..........tasty meals made with the best and freshest local ingredients..." That looked promising, so I ordered a 1/3 pound cheeseburger ($9.75) and an order of fries ($3.95). That was about $14 for a burger and fries, but it was the airport, so prices were bound to be jacked up. My cheeseburger was ready to pick up at the counter in about 8 minutes.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The burger patty was the San Francisco-standard pre-ground, 80:20, Niman Ranch Chuck. The patties were firm but not chewy. The flavor was strongly beefy with no hint of aging. The patty was satisfyingly juicy, and it had just a hint of char from the gas-fired grill. The beef was fresh enough, that I caught a little mineral flavor from the blood in the patty. The beef was a better than average at Burger Joint.

The Seasoning: The exterior of my burger patty was dusted with an appropriate amount of salt to complement the beefy flavors.

The Sear: The burger patty took on a moderate sear from the grill. The 1/3 pound patty was relatively thin, so a proper sear would have been a bit miraculous. The hint of char created an interesting flavor, which generally made up for the lack of a solid sear.

The Preparation: The burger patties were freshly formed during morning prep. The evenly round patties were pressed, by hand, into molds with a medium pressure. The grind was medium, and my burger was cooked to a juicy Med-Well. The gas-fired grill at Burger Joint's open kitchen was appropriately hot to cook their burgers quickly but without causing too many flare-ups.

The Cheese: Burger Joint offered a nice variety of cheeses, but I went with reliable American cheese. This was nicely melted, and it rounded out the flavor profile and mouth feel with the usual umami, salt, and creaminess.

The Bun: This was a standard, seeded, white hamburger bun. The bun was nominally toasted, but it offered no crunch. The bun was fresh, moist, yeasty, and barely sweet. The bun stayed out of the way.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: This was spot on. The soft bun compressed perfectly.

The Toppings: The Romaine lettuce and the tomato slices were fresh and flavorful.

The Fries: The thick-cut fries were prepped in-house, and they were cooked in peanut oil. The peel-on fries came out hot, crisp, and golden brown. The fries were not seasoned thoroughly enough, but they did taste strongly of earthy potato flavors.

The Value: A cheeseburger and fries at Burger Joint was $14. While this was an airport burger, the value was meager. The patty was a slim 1/3 pound, and the fries were well over-priced.

The cheeseburger at Burger Joint was surprisingly good for airport fare. The amount of prep, which occurred on site contributed to the quality of the burger and the sides. I would note that the chicken breast sandwich was bone dry. All told, one could do far worse than Burger Joint.


Burger Review : Burger Joint served up one of the best burgers that I have ever tried in an airport. It was pricey but a darn good burger.

Rating...4 Bites

Roam Artisan Burgers -- San Francisco, CA

1785 Union Street 

San Francisco CA 94123
415-440-7626

website

Roam Artisan Burgers was located directly next door to The Brick Yard on Russian Hill in San Francisco, CA. The Brick Yard was Brick in years past, and Brick served up a remarkably simple and delicious cheeseburger. It was my hope that the cheeseburger gods had conferred the torch of awesomeness one door down. This from the Roam website. "From pasture to plate, Roam Artisan Burgers offers delicious burgers, sides, shakes and sodas crafted from fresh quality ingredients that have been carefully sourced from a select group of purveyors."

Fat Bruce Lee and I ordered a couple of the 4-ounce The Classic burgers ($5.99) with cheese ($1 extra). The Russet Fries were $2.99. We ordered a single serving of these, as well. All told, a cheeseburger and fries at Roam Artisan Burgers was $10. We ordered at the register and waited about 15 minutes for our order to arrive. Sadly, my burger was slathered in the house sauce on the first attempt. I had asked that this be served on the side. I returned my burger to the counter, and waited an additional 15 minutes for a refire. This was ridiculous, since a refire should take precedence rather than start at the back of the line. By the time my burger arrived, my party had all but completed their meals leaving me to rush as they watched. 

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: I was not able to discuss the beef with the staff, since it was lunch time, and I did not want to slow down the line. I took them at their word that the beef was sourced locally and that the beef was 100% grass-fed. That led me to believe that this was our old friend, Niman Ranch Chuck. The smallish patty delivered a hefty dose of beef flavor, and it was very juicy. I pegged the fat content at the standard 20%. There was no funk, so it was safe to assume that the beef was fresh or, at the most, wet aged.  The bite was firm but not chewy. The beef was solid in the burger at Roam Artisan Burgers.

The Seasoning: Oof. My burger was heavily salted. It was salted to the point of the seasoning being a distraction. The salt was on the verge of being overwhelming. Honestly, I had already waited 30 minutes for a 4 ounce burger, and I didn't want to wait any longer. There was a little pepper in the mix, but that was masked by the salt.

The Sear: The sear was only faintly present. The burger patty had the appearance of having been steamed rather than cooked on a properly hot flat top. I assumed that the kitchen covered the burgers to make them cook faster. This rubbery wetness was present on all 4 burgers at the table. This was a tragic error, because by keeping the surface temperature low, it robbed the burger of the flavor and textural benefits of the Malliard reaction. Frying the burger rather than steaming it would have created the proper and crusty sear that the tasty beef and I both deserved. 

The Preparation: The burger patty was cooked on a gas-fired flat top to a pink and juicy Medium. The patties were tender and juicy. It seemed fair to assume that Roam Artisan Burgers took daily delivery of freshly ground Chuck from their supplier. The patties were formed from beef ground at a medium setting, and I would have guessed that the burgers were formed during morning prep. The beef tasted suspiciously like what I have tried on the previous evening at Super Duper Burgers. Super Duper used freshly ground, Niman Ranch Chuck. Super Duper just cooked it faster and better for a lower price...and they served up a bigger burger.  Like Super Duper Burger, Roam also used the Strauss Organic Soft Serve, which was splendid.

The Cheese: The Aged White Cheddar was salty, rich, and full of umami. It was also unmelted. This was frustrating when I considered the 30-minute wait for that over-salted, steamed burger with unmelted cheese.

The Bun: The bun was a yeasty, chewy, dense, heavily seeded, burger bun with an absolutely fantastic texture. Unfortunately, it was only weakly toasted, so it did not benefit from proper preparation. The flavor was great, but the texture was lacking.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Perfect.

The Fries: We sampled the Russet Fries, and they were properly cooked, full of flavor, and nicely seasoned with salt and parsley. They were par cooked, so the crispness was there. The fries tasted like they had been cooked in fresh canola oil.

The Toppings: The Bibb lettuce and tomato slices were both fresh, juicy, and delicious. The BBQ sauce, which I had on the side was tangy, and it tasted strongly of molasses. I liked that with the fries.

The Value: At Roam Artisan Burgers, the price for a smallish burger, fries and soda was in the $14 range. That meant that the value was weak for such a small portion of slow-to-the-table and sloppily prepared food.

The ingredients and pricing at Roam Artisan Burgers set the stage for a world-class burgers. The preparation and execution at Roam Artisan Burgers was comparable to what one might expect from a fast food burger chain. The flavors were great. In fairness, after the meal, the cashier did come to the table and provide a gift card to comp my burger since my meal arrived as my companions were finishing theirs. In the end, I missed Brick more than ever. I also appreciated Super Duper all the more.

Burger Review : Great ingredients, but I would suggest trying Roam Artisan Burgers during non-peak hours. The burger, while delicious, was haphazardly prepared. It seemed like the kitchen staff was dealing with being chased by hornets while preparing my meal.

Rating...4 Bites (4.5 Bites with a sear, melted cheese, and a timely delivery)

LarkCreekSteak -- San Francisco, CA

Westfield^® San Francisco Centre
845 Market Street, 4th Floor, Ste 402
San Francisco, CA 94103
website

Fat Bruce Lee and I were visiting San Francisco for a conference, and we scheduled a lunch meeting at LarkCreekSteak. I had seen a particularly stunning review on the SeriousEats site, and I wanted to see if LarkCreekSteak was in the business of delivering consistent excellence. I quickly discovered that there was a fair amount of inaccuracy in the review, which I had read. As a result, the LarkCreekSteak burger failed to live up to the hype. Don't believe everything you read...unless you read it here. We ordered up a couple of the Steakburgers at $13.95 each ($15.45 with a slice of cheese), and the burgers came with some hand-cut fries. We waited about 20 minutes for our cheeseburgers to arrive. I did send my top bun back, since the brioche was very nearly hollow.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The burger beef was a combination of freshly ground, wet-aged cuts of both Filet Mignon and NY Strip. Wet-aged beef in a 15 dollar burger at a steak house? Sigh. The burger patty weighed in at 8 ounces. The beef was very loosely packed and ground at a setting in the medium range. This resulted in an overly loose mouth feel. The burger beef offered up no resistance. In fact, the unmelted cheese was more toothsome than the loose (nearly mealy) beef. The flavor of the beef was beefy, but it offered no trace of that characteristic steak house funk. There were tame notes of minerality, which belied the premium cuts. The beef was moderately juicy, and the fat content was in the 20% range. The beef tasted fine, but it was well below what one would expect of a steak house. I did not seek out the source of the beef...it was not sufficiently interesting to warrant further investigation.

The Seasoning: The beef blend was unseasoned. The burger patties were liberally seasoned with freshly ground salt just prior to being placed on the wood grill. The seasoning was appropriate, but certainly not interesting. I had hoped for a proprietary steak house blend of seasonings.

The Sear: The sear on our burgers was nominal. The wide grates of the grill applied a moderate, partial sear, but that sear was so thin that it was barely discernible to the palate. Sadly, the review, which I had read, really zeroed in on a magnificent sear. That sear was simply not present when we visited.

The Preparation: The burger patties at LarkCreekSteak were formed from freshly ground beef during morning prep. The looseness of the patties indicated that these were truly freshly formed. Unfortunately, not enough pressure was applied during that process to create a sufficiently firm bite. The lack of sear, and the fact that the patties were turned three times on the grill, suggested that there was little burger cooking talent present in the kitchen on the day of our visit. What was really disappointing was that the almond wood-fired grill imparted absolutely no flavor of char or smoke to the dish. The grate on the grill was positioned too high above the coals. To the credit of the kitchen, the request for Med-Rare was honored.

The Cheese: We went with the Aged Gruyere, and this was a disappointing cheese. It was not smooth, creamy, nutty, or buttery. The unmelted Gruyere was simply a little salty. It ended up being on the leathery side, and it sweated a fair amount of oil. I was astonished that a steak house didn't finish the dish under a broiler to ensure that the cheese would be properly melted.

The Bun: The bun at LarkCreekSteak was solid. It was a seeded, brioche-style bun from PANoRAMA in Marin, CA. The bun was only barely sweet. It was yeasty, firm, and moist. It was not sufficiently toasted to bring additional texture to the party, but it was competent at absorbing stray juices from the burger patty.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Perfect.

The Fries: The thick, square cut steak fries were wonderful. They were par-cooked in canola oil and finished in the same. The fries were cut in house and cooked to a pale, but perfectly crisp, finish. The fries were hearty, creamy, and rich with fresh, earthy, potato flavors. The fries were the winner on the plate.

The Toppings: Both the Bibb lettuce and the sliced tomato were fresh and delicious.

The Value: Meh. The value was on the weak side at LarkCreekSteak. The $1.50 upcharge for unmelted cheese on a 14 buck burger was insulting. The wet-aged beef checked most of the boxes in terms of flavor, but it lacked sufficient punch. The preparation was weak, and as a result, the mildly seared, loosely packed burgers leaned towards dull.

LarkCreekSteak had all of the elements in place to deliver a spectacular burger. LarkCreekSteak did not deliver a spectacular burger.

Burger Review : LarkCreekSteak checked off the obligatory "burger box" on their menu with a slightly above average tasting burger, which was prepared in a lackluster fashion.

Rating....3 Bites

Annabelle's Bar & Bistro -- San Francisco, CA

68 4th St
San Francisco, CA 94103-3102
415-777-1200
website

Annabelles's Bar & Bistro did not make any lists of great burgers to try in San Francisco. No one suggested that we try it. We did not plan on going there. It was simply close to our location when it was time for lunch, and we were pressed for time.  They were doing a brisk lunch business, but they were able to seat Fat Bruce Lee, our guest, and myself promptly. We ordered a couple of burgers at $13.50 apiece and settled in for 10-minute wait. Once our burgers arrived, it became abundantly apparent why Annabelle's Bar & Bistro was not known/recommended for their cheeseburgers.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: Yawn...1/2 pound patties of pre-ground, 80:20, Niman Ranch Chuck. Super Duper was the only place the we have ever tried that truly made Niman Ranch Chuck work--it generally fell pretty flat. That trend was not bucked at Annabelle's.

• The beef was only mildly beefy in flavor. 
• My burger was peppered with connective tissue.
• The beef had no trace of aging. 
• The burgers were very greasy rather than juicy.

The Seasoning: There was a dash of salt and pepper applied to the exterior of the big, greasy, bland patties. The salt did not compensate for the lack of flavor.

The Sear: The sear from the grill was moderate, and there was even a slight char, but no real flavor or texture was developed. This was also due, in part, to the fact that my burger came out dead Rare rather than the Medium, which I had requested.

The Preparation: The Chuck arrived pre-ground (medium-coarse) and was formed into thick, irregular, 1/2 pound patties. It was cooked on a gas-fired grill. It was not cooked nearly long enough. To top it off, for some reason the patties were placed on the plate prior to being set on the bun. The copious grease from the patties then saturated the exterior of the bottom bun, which made it a greasy mess in the hand.


The Cheese: Yawn....this was ho-hum Tillamook Cheddar. It was bland, rubbery, and it contributed almost nothing but more fat to the dish.

The Bun: The bun came from Italian-French Bakery, and the bun was terrific. It was a burger bun made from Italian bread.....WIN...it was savory, sweet, and just chewy enough! Sadly, the bottom bun was unpleasantly oily to the touch.  So it goes.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: The greasy beef was too much for the superb bun.

The Fries: The house-cut fries were cooked in rice bran oil....these were adequate, but they should have gone an extra 30 seconds in the fryer to get some color on them. The fries did not maintain their crispness, and this was unfortunate considering that was the strong point of rice bran oil.

The Value: I was in a hurry, so I ate half and sent the rest back. $13.50 for a weak burger was too much no matter how big the burger. Quantity rarely trumps quality. The value was poor.

When General Manager, Micah Tell, inquired about the quality of the burgers, I shared my opinions with her. She did agree that the burger was undercooked. In spite of that, the check arrived for the full amount and with a straight face. I called Ms. Tell back to our table, and after a bit of back and forth she grudgingly agreed to adjust the check amount to reflect the half burger that I managed to eat. Her attitude was far more spicy and interesting than the cheeseburgers. It seemed safe to assume that Annabelle's Bar & Bistro did not base its business on repeat customers. The pickles were darn tasty, though.

Burger Review : Pass on the greasy blandness.


Rating...2 Bites

Super Duper -- San Francisco, CA

2304 Market Street, at 16th
San Francisco, CA 94114

415-558-8123

website

Here's what Super Duper posted about themselves on their site. 

"Fast food burgers, slow food values.

At Super Duper, we serve fast food style burgers, fries, and shakes all made with the best ingredients available to us. Our beef is 100% Niman Ranch all natural beef ground fresh each day. Our shakes and cones are made with organic Strauss cream from Petaluma, and our pies and cookies for our sundaes are baked daily in house. We offer a chicken sandwich and a portobella mushroom "burger", and we make our own pickles. All of our packaging is compostable, because we care about our environment just as much as we care about our burgers." 

It had been a mixed bag of burgers in San Francisco, but Super Duper came highly recommended from a reliable source. This was one of those instances where the name was apt. The burgers, and everything else, at Super Duper were, in fact, super duper. This was the best burger that I had tried in San Francisco.

We ordered a couple of burgers at the register and settled in for a 4 minute wait. The burgers come out with blinding speed at Super Duper. A "Mini" burger was anything but mini. It was a 4 ounce burger for $4.50 or $5.00 with cheese. I opted for the California Sharp Cheddar.  The 1/2 pound burger was 2 bucks more.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: This was the usual Niman Ranch 80:20 Chuck. Super Duper demonstrated that it was possible to create a superlative product from Niman Ranch beef. The burgers were JUICY, BEEFY, tender, a little funky, and just plain delicious. This beef tasted nothing like the uninteresting burgers made from that same beef, which we had been bumping into all over town. Perhaps, it was because they took daily delivery of the beef, which was freshly ground by their supplier. Whatever the reason, the expression "bursting with flavor" came to mind.

The Seasoning: This looked like simple sea salt, which they hit both sides of the patty with. The juicy, flavorful beef combined with the coarse flakes of salt to create a perfectly savory combination.

The Sear: WOW! They got an intense, crunchy, flavorful sear onto the burger patty. This was accomplished by cooking it for one minute on each side and otherwise leaving it alone. This was the only properly seared burger that I was able to find in San Francisco.

The Preparation: Luis Flores, Managing Partner of Super Duper, took me on a tour of the small kitchen and showed me the magic in action. The Super Duper burger started its life as a loose ball of coarsely ground Chuck in a refrigerated drawer. Once ordered, the ball of Chuck was placed on an oddly cool flat top. The second the beef hit the high-tech griddle, the surface heated at a remarkable pace. Within seconds the beef was already sizzling. At that point, the ball was smashed to about a 1/3 inch thickness. It was seasoned. It was flipped at the one minute mark, seasoned again, and allowed to cook for an additional minute. While that was happening, a bun was placed in a commercial toaster (a carnival ride for baked goods). The toaster heated the bun throughout and did not require the bun be buttered. The cooked burger was placed on the bun, and the toppings were applied. The even heat within the bun and beef fused the cheese to the patty within a moment. The whole process took less than 3 minutes. This resulted in a juicy burger, which was not greasy. It also created a melt-in-the-mouth, tender bite. The burger came out at just a hair past Medium.


The Cheese: The California Cheddar perfectly complemented the dish. The Cheddar was creamy and just sharp enough to lend its voice to the strong notes of beef, salt, mineral, and funk from the beef. The texture of the cheese was enhanced by the fact that it been melted by the steam coming off both the burger and the bun.

The Bun: This was a bun from La Boulange, and it was specifically made for Super Duper. The perfectly toasted bun was just crisp enough on top, as well. This provided a nice shift in texture as one bit into it. The bun was mild in flavor and took nothing away from the burger. The bun was as moist as a fresh biscuit, but it was dense and firm. The bun was utterly splendid.


The Meat To Ratio: This was perfect, and the last bite was the same as the first.

The Fries: The thin fries came par-cooked and frozen. They were cooked in canola oil to a crisp golden brown and finished with the sea salt. The fries were splendid.

The Toppings: The vegetable toppings that accompanied the cheeseburger were of very high quality. I was impressed at how ripe and flavorful the tomato slices were. Mr. Flores checked in the produce himself.

The Confections: The strawberry shake and the chocolate dipped cone were both ridiculously good and wholesome tasting.

The Value: $5.00 for a spectacular tasting and perfectly prepared burger was tremendous value.

Honestly, I walked into Super Duper with nearly no appetite, and I walked out stuffed, because everything was so good.  Luis Flores shared with me that his philosophy behind Super Duper was to take great ingredients and prepare them simply. A cheeseburger is a remarkably simple thing to prepare well. Super Duper prepared the best burger that I have had in San Francisco. This burger should be on everyone's Top Ten list.  If you liked Roam Artisan Burgers, then you would LOVE Super Duper.

Burger Review : Super Duper made an amazing and honest burger for a great price. You need to try Super Duper.  You need to eat the best burger in San Francisco.

Rating...5 Bites

17AUG11--I took Fat Bruce Lee to the recently opened Super Duper location on Market Street, and it was every bit as good as the burger that I enjoyed several months ago. Super Duper sustained a line of about 7 customers the entire time that we were there, and they kept cranking out meals with a 10-minute wait time. The operation there was tight.

The chicken breast sandwich was also terrific. It was moist, and the chicken had been marinated in an Ancho Chile salsa for about 24 hours. The resulting flavor was complex and extremely satisfying.

Super Duper was also planning on taking over the Johnny Rockets space on Chestnut Street in Cow Hollow. Cow Hollow--congrats on getting the best burgers in the city of San Francisco.

Seriously, they could have named the place Super, Fantastic, Totally Freaking Amazing Burger, and it would not have been exaggeration.

Marlowe's -- San Francisco, CA

House-style with everything on it.

330 Townsend
San Francisco, 94107
415-974-5599
website





Some days it could be just plain rough on the burger hunt. San Francisco was the sort of town that made it especially difficult. Finding a great burger in San Francisco was made especially challenging by the homogeneous ngredients--Acme Bakery buns, Niman Ranch beef, etc.  The one trend that we liked was the use of rice bran oil to cook fries--that worked. We set our sights on Marlowe's to discover if this was the prized burger in SF--it was not.

The Burger Breakdown...

BurgerBusters-style

The Beef: Pre-ground, 80:20, Niman Ranch Chuck was what Marlowe's used for their burgers. The beef tasted vaguely of aging, so the funk note was weak. The Chuck had a fine beefy flavor, and would have been better had they honored my request to cook it to Medium. The beef was juicy and not greasy. The beef was fine.

The Seasoning: The salty seasoning blend was applied both timidly and unevenly--some bites were a little salty, but most were bland.

The Sear: Meh. The grill marks were average, but contributed nothing in terms of additional flavor or texture to the bite.

The Preparation: The 6 ounce burger patty was undercooked. The beef was was not over-manipulated, and the bite was tender. All this in spite of the fine grind--that was a positive. Sadly, the bacon, which accompanied the dish was cold. That along with the undercooked beef and the stone cold bun left me wondering if the chef (Jennifer Puccio) truly gave a damn about repeat business.

The Cheese: The California Cheddar was blah. It was a rubbery, and it provided very little by way of flavor or texture to the dish. The dish did not benefit from the cheese.


The Bun: The brioche bun came from Acme Bread. The bun was toasted on the griddle, but it arrived cold. Additionally, the bun was spongy and past its prime (a little stale and dry). The bun was not OK.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: The dryish bun won this round.

The Fries: The fries were fantastic. Peel off, house-cut, and twice fried in rice bran oil--damn right. The fries were crisp, golden, and delicious. Go for the fries and throw the burger away. The seasoning was dead on, too.

The Value: 12 bucks for an average burger was on the high side.

Marlowe's has been removed from the list of contenders for great cheeseburgers in San Francisco. The standard ingredients and careless preparation did not warrant further consideration.

Burger Review : A perfectly average and somewhat incompetently prepared burger was found at Marlowe's.

Rating...3 Bites

Spruce -- San Francisco, CA

3640 Sacramento St 

San Francisco, CA 94118

415-931-5100

website

Tess of the B'urgervilles and I chose the highly revered and well-reviewed Spruce as our burger destination. Spruce really was a fantastic restaurant--the wait staff was incredibly knowledgeable--the service was impeccable--the appetizers (perfectly cooked asparagus and Gruyere Gougeres) were remarkable. Sadly, the burgers did not meet the level of excellence that we had experienced from Spruce in other areas.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: Spruce sourced their Chuck from Niman Ranch, and this Chuck was ground in-house to a custom ratio of a whopping 30% fat. As you might imagine, this made the bite quite greasy. The finely ground beef provided nearly no beef flavors, and it was devoid of any funk from aging. The beef was very bland.

The Seasoning: The beef was thoroughly but unevenly seasoned. The edges of the patty were very salty, while the center was meekly seasoned. 

The Sear: The burgers were grilled, so a sear was only partially present. 

The Preparation: In spite of the heavy fat content, the burgers were overly chewy. This was due to the fine grind--too much surface area for the proteins to create new bonds. It is likely that the beef was also over-manipulated during the patty forming process.

The Cheese: The Vermont Cabot White Cheddar was competent and full of Cheddar flavors, but it was completely lost in the grease and salt from the patty.

The Bun: The hook at Spruce was the house-made English Muffin. While the bun was wonderfully toasted, it was saturated with butter. Simply holding the burger resulted in greasy fingers. What was worse was the overwhelming rush of butter at the end of the bite. This was discordant with the other flavors.

The Meat to Bun Ratio: This was perfect.

The Fries: The house-cut, peel off fries were wonderful. They were twice fried in rice bran oil. This made them perfectly crisp and golden brown. In addition, the oil gave the fries a distinctly and pleasantly nutty flavor. The fries were the best thing on the plate.

The Toppings: The sliced tomatoes were truly excellent, and the fried mushrooms were splendid.

The Value: The cheeseburgers at Spruce were twelve dollars each, but that was twelve dollars for a dish that we chose not to finish. The oiliness of the beef and bun was just too much, and we relented after eating half.

Spruce served up a burger that would have aced the SATs, but it would have been unable to write a decent essay. The burger was overwrought and over-thought. It was simply too rich to be enjoyable.

Burger Review : The Spruce burger can be safely avoided. Everything but the burger was far better.

Rating...2 Bites

Fish & Farm -- San Francisco, CA

339 Taylor St
San Francisco, CA 94102
415-474-3476
website

Fat Bruce Lee and I had just touched down in San Francisco, and our first stop was Fish & Farm on Taylor. Fish & Farm was attached to the Mark Twain Hotel. Fish & Farm's goal was to serve food made with ingredients sourced from less than 100 miles away. The beef was sourced from Niman Ranch, and this did not bode well--we've had plenty of Niman Ranch beef in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. This was a case of being pleasantly surprised.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The beef was pre-ground Chuck. Since the Niman Ranch product didn't make a LONG trip to the kitchen, the beef was far, far better than what we had tried before. Typically, Niman Ranch has been insipid. In this case, the Chuck was pretty beefy in flavor. The burgers were not greasy, but they also leaned towards dryness. In fairness we didn't get them with the various toppings, which would have lent additional moisture. The beef did have a nice note of aged funk to it, but it lacked the complexity of a perfect burger. This burger would have benefited from Rib or Ribeye meat being cut into the blend.

The Seasoning: Yes!  The seasoning was great.  They applied a heavy dusting of a salt and pepper blend, which really punched up the flavors.

The Sear: The sear was particularly impressive on the burger at Fish & Farm. This was accomplished on a gas-fired grill, which went to show what could be possible when a competent chef runs the kitchen. The sear was crunchy, dark, and deep.

The Preparation: The beef was ground to medium-fine, and it was cooked to a perfect Medium. The (7 ounce) patties were formed firmly enough to hold the beef together but not so much that they became chewy. The preparation was spot on.

The Cheese: The White Cheddar was sourced from Cowgirl Creamery. The Cheddar was genius. It resembled Gruyere in its creaminess and nuttiness. In addition to that, it brought the salt and iron notes that are customary in good Cheddar to the party. The cheese did tend to fill in where the beef was lacking, and it made for a solid flavor profile.

The Bun: This was sourced from Acme Bakery, and it was nearly perfect. The kitchen lacked a griddle, so the bun was grilled--top and bottom. This resulted in a little blackening of the top, and that gave us a slight and unpleasant scorched taste of bitter carbon at the front of the bite. The bun was wonderfully crunchy, and this provided a nice contrast to the chewy interior.

The Meat to Bun Ratio: Perfect. Fish & Farm sourced the bun perfectly and sized the burger accordingly.

The Fries: The fries were peel-off, fresh, par-cooked, and a cooked to a light golden color. They could have been cooked about 30 seconds longer, because they did not maintain their crispness as the meal progressed.. That said, the seasoning was great. The salt was malt salt, and it was finely ground--this was also true for the pepper, which was a component of the seasoning blend. This was similar to the seasoning on the burgers, so the pepper theme carried through the meal. The fries came with an excellent barbecue sauce, which I was tempted to drink as a shot.

The Toppings: The Secret Sauce was a blend of mayo, ketchup, brandy, and green pepper corns. This was like In-N-Out sauce for grown-ups. The house-made pickles were vile, however. The cornichon pickles were vaguely peppery, very mild, and flabby. This was the only component of the meal, which fell completely flat.

The Value: This was a $14 burger, and it was darn good--it wasn't excellent. The value was fair.

We have been let down tremendously by other cheeseburgers in San Francisco, so the burger at Fish & Farm was a welcome change. This was a burger, which flirted with excellence. The ingredients and the execution would have benefited from a few tweaks, but it was a fine burger.

Burger Review : Close to excellent.

Rating...4 Bites

Jollibee -- San Francisco, CA

This one, mercifully, has closed.

Location : Lots of places
Jollibee Website

OK, it has been established that San Francisco has more than its fair share of lousy cheeseburgers, but it seems that they are actively seeking to best the worst by bringing in international competitors.  Enter Jollibee--the Philippines answer to crappy burgers.  Ready...Set...Terrible!

Jollibee was our futile, last ditch effort to find a morsel of burger goodness in San Francisco.  That effort resulted in complete failure.

The Jollibee cheeseburger was mercifully small, but it packed a wallop of crappiness.  Steamed, rubbery, salty, searless--just craptastic.  Oddly, this sliver of crap could not compete with the grinning evil on a bun delivered by Cafe Zuni, though.

It was barely worth reviewing--it was just a cheap, low-quality, unpleasant, highly processed bit of fast food awfulness.

No sear--just gray rubbberyness.

The seasoning was overwhelmingly salty.

The bun was thin and flabby.

The whole thing was a PASS.

Also, the fries sucked, but they weren't as crappy as the fishy mess served up at the Mission Beach Cafe.

What the eff is that little bee smiling about?  The fact that he served you a turd, and you paid 2 bucks for it, that's what.

Burger Review : Weak--do not want.

Rating...1 Bite

Zuni Cafe -- San Francisco, CA

415-552-2522
1658 Market Street
San Francisco, CA 94102
Zuni Cafe Website

It had been a crappy couple of burger days in San Francisco when Tess of the B'Urgervilles and I went to the much lauded Zuni Cafe for their signature, house-ground burgers.  Keep in mind that this cheeseburger was served on GD focaccia, so one can imagine the gustatory hell that we were about to enter.  The burger was 17 bucks, and the cheese (something snooty in the White Cheddar family) was an additional $1.75......dicks.  Ready...Set...Terrible!

The burger arrived and looked fine until it was flipped over to reveal a cool, grill treatment, so it had weak sear marks and a rubbery crust.  The focaccia (rosemary) was oddly lacking both rosemary and the customary, slightly chewy and firm texture--it was more like cornbread.

Bite one--hmmm that's oddly gamy--I wonder if it's just me--looks across table to see similar look of confusion mirrored on dining partner's face.

Bite two--well, that's sort of........fishy tasting and reaching for unpleasant.

Bite three--this is downright unsettling.

Bite four--no, it's just plain off-putting.

Bite five--there was no bite five.

I have failed--I could not choke this one down.  However, I consider myself a survivor of the single worst burger that I have ever tried.  It was a crapcake--and that was actually insulting to cakes of crap everywhere.

The grind was fine as polenta, and the flavor was pure, fishy skank.  It was also remarkably firm, which suggested that they took puréed ground round, added dashinomoto (bonito flakes) or fish food, and an egg--whizzed it up in a food processor while going out back to smoke, and then caught up with an old friend for ten minutes before realizing the mixture was nearly liquefied, and then saying "eff it, let's serve it anyway." The cooked burger ended up being a meatloaf made with Gerber baby food with the flavor of overly "ripe" salmon. I assume that they did not bother trimming the beef deeply enough and handed us a burger made from the bacteria-rich rind of the dry-aged beef.

The mouth feel was ghastly--mealy, vaguely toasted focaccia sandwiching mealy "beef" with a greasy wad of salty cheese.  More sadly, the dubious focaccia dutifully soaked up the fishy drippings to deliver a bite of something resembling a soggy, carp-flavored brownie.

The waitress sheepishly hustled away the plates of 2/3rds consumed burgers and brought us a dessert menu to cleanse our palettes.  The strawberry sorbet was bright, sunny, and bursting with fruit flavor, and the peach meringata dish was a work of genius from the dual perspectives of texture and flavor.  That meant that someone in the Zuni Cafe kitchen was worth a damn, but it certainly was not the guy on the grill.

In all fairness, the burgers were removed from the tab. There were other patrons in the restaurant that were not revolted by similar looking burgers, which suggests that either we got a bad batch or that the other patrons were OK with the food. 

Burger Review : Astonishingly bad. Tee up Destiny's Child's I'm a Survivor, and just walk the other way.  You really, really don't want to know.  I could still taste it 24 hours later.

Rating...1 Bite

Mission Beach Cafe -- San Francisco, CA

1198 Guerrero St
San Francisco, CA 94103
Mission Beach Cafe Website

At the urging of a fellow burger aficionado, Colonel Mustard, myself, and a small army went to Mission Beach Cafe to sample the burger.

Upon entering the restaurant, the smokey smell of BBQ was surely a sign of delicious things to come, right?

The waiter seemed pleased and proud to state that the burger at his cafe was rated #4 in San Francisco.  Who the eff goes around chanting, "We're number 4--We're number 4"?  That's not even good enough to make it to the podium.  Runner-up status is nothing to crow about.

Now take a look at these ingredients.  Maybe the bar was set so high in San Francisco that this assemblage of culinary excellence wasn't enough to make the grade. 

The beef--Prather Ranch--granted, it was pre-ground, but quality, nonetheless
The cheese--aged, Winchester Gouda
The bun--Peppered potato
The tomatoes--heirloom
The fries--Kennebec

This was a surefire recipe for awesomeness--the very best ingredients were sourced, and it would have merely taken a competent effort to assemble the awesome parts into a more awesome whole.

And..........here we go.  It would seem that the theme of the Mission Beach Cafe cheeseburger was Green--Ed Begley, Jr would have been proud.

The Burger Breakdown... 

Desperately seeking beef

• The beef, which was juicy and deliciously seasoned, came out a perfect Med Rare--it even retained some of the aged funk as a front note...........but they cooked it on a cool grill, and that gave us weak grill marks and a rubbery, gray exterior in place of a proper Maillard sear. I attributed this to the energy conservation efforts in the kitchen.  There was no point in making the grill hot and using a bunch of natural gas to cook--that would be been wasteful, and would have required additional energy to cool and/or vent.

Greasy, black grill smear

• The bun was clearly made of recycled Styrofoam, and it was just too bulky for the modest burger. It was also stale and chewy. To add the final insult--rather than toasting it properly on the grill, the kitchen staff wiped it across the grill to create the appearance of grill marks with the blackened grease from the grates--NASTY and BITTER (see photo on right).

Excess bun and a greasy plate

• The fries were obviously cooked in the same oil as some sort of fish, so they tasted nice and........ fishy--I take my Omega-3s, and I prefer not to double up on them while eating fries. They were also clearly re-fried based on the rubbery crust and  sodden texture. Reclaimed oil is best used in cars not in fryers.

• The tomatoes were damned tasty, though.

The "Key Lime Pie"....not so much. It's a fine lemon curd pie, but Key Lime it is not. The used gelatin to set the filling, and it lacked the traditional graham cracker crust.  Ooof.

Burger Review : Meh  Great ingredients are nothing in the face of a concerted effort to minimize their impact.  #4 was probably generous.  Sometimes, the whole is less than sum of its parts.  It is fair to hold out hope for this burger, however.  The beef and seasoning, which are the cornerstone of a great burger, were dead on.

Rating...2 Bites

Luce at the InterContinental San Francisco -- San Francisco, CA

888 Howard Street
San Francisco, CA 94103
Luce Website

 
Dominique Crenn was named Esquire's Chef of the Year in 2008.  Esquire is all over the place when it comes to food--they thought that Le Tub was the second coming of Jeebus. One can only hope that she had nothing to do with the cheeseburger that was served during the lunch hour at Luce.

I was impressed enough with the kitchen's attention to detail at breakfast to schedule a lunch meeting at Luce. The potatoes were perfectly diced bordering on brunoise, and this spoke well of the guiding hand in the kitchen, or so I thought.

The Burger Breakdown... 

• The bun---(see photo) had char marks on the inside and outside to insure that the bun was infused with the unpleasant taste and smell of pungent burnt starch--YECH!
• The beef, while it was all-natural, Niman Ranch (made from real cows), was not ground in-house, so it yielded all of its nuance and aged flavors to the fluid and plastic bag in which it arrived.  
• Texture--meaty tapioca...completely without character. 
• Seasoning--what seasoning?  BLAND.
• Sear--merely adequate, but the grill left much to be desired.  Surely, there was a griddle or a plancha or a heavy skillet in that big ole kitchen.
• Med Rare--yep, they nailed that.
• Cheese--Bleu.  It crushed the burger into oblivion--it was all that I could taste. It didn't so much mask the flavor of the weak burger as it made the lack of hearty flavors in the meat even more apparent.
• Meat to Bun Ratio--really good, but the bun was burnt, so whatever.
• Tomatoes--Unripe and mealy.
• Fries--Lank 
• The Value--$14 bucks for pre-ground Chuck on a burnt bun. The value was shameful.

Burger Review : This was just a hotel burger and a lousy one at that.


Rating...1 Bite