SmithHouse Tap & Grill -- Los Angeles, CA

10351 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90025
310-423-4360
website

SmithHouse had opened a scant 5 days prior to this review, and I liked the idea of getting there first to review their burger. I imagined that they would have worked out the service kinks over the weekend. SmithHouse was a pub-style joint with lots of brick work and rustic touches, throughout. The tap wall was impressive with about 120 beers. There was also a full bar. Valet parking was free and very convenient. I attempted to get some information about the burger from my server, and I quickly learned that the front-of-house staff had not been clued in by the kitchen as to the components of the burgers. This was odd, since burgers comprised 25% of the menu. A member of the kitchen staff was summoned, and I learned a little more.  Very little...much about the burgers at SmithHouse was kept secret....so it goes. I dutifully ordered the SmithHouse Burger, as suggested by the member of the kitchen staff with whom I spoke. Since no one could or would share the cuts of beef with me, I went with the safe choice of a Medium cooking temperature. My burger arrived in about 10 minutes.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The bespoke beef blend was derived from Vintage cattle. Vintage cattle are like heirloom produce. The beef tasted heavily of dry aging as it was most heavy on the funk. In fact, it was funky enough to mask most other flavors associated with the beef component of a cheeseburger. It was a 30% fat blend, so it was greasy enough to cause a little stomach discomfort on the ride home. The blend tasted like Brisket, Sirloin, and Short Rib, but I was only guessing. The blend was pre-ground to medium coarse and delivered to SmithHouse. The bite was decidedly steaky and firm in texture. There was a fair amount of blood, but that oppressive funk obscured any minerality that would have come from the blood.

The Seasoning: The exterior of the thickish, 7-ounce burger patty was salted as it cooked...heavily salted. That seasoning, coupled with the marrow/Parmesan spread, which topped the burger, delivered an explosively and excessively salty bite. It was salty enough to make the roof of my mouth itch. This was not the sort of burger that I could get more than half of down.

The Sear: SmithHouse seared the heck out of that burger. By "seared" I really meant "charred." SmithHouse delivered a charred burger. The sear was crisp and deep, but it was also bitter since the surface was blackened with shiny carbon.

The Preparation: The mysterious blend of Vintage ground beef was hand-formed during morning prep at SmithHouse. The 7-ounce, hand-formed patties were created with just the right pressure to deliver a firm and juicy mouth feel. I ordered Medium, and I got a competent Medium. It appeared that the burger had been grilled and then finished (immolated) under a broiler.

The Cheese: I could have gone with Cheddar, but I followed the chef's recommendation and ordered my burger with the marrow/Parmesan spread. MISTAKE! While the marrow was rich, hearty, and decadent, this spread was overwhelmingly and unpleasantly salty.

The Bun: The seeded brioche was prepared specifically and solely for Smith House by an un-named vendor. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to be named as the baker that provided that bun. The bun was DRY. The bun carried a sweetness somewhere between a doughnut and a scone. The bun was mealy almost to the point of grittiness. The bun was very rich. Additionally, the bun was heavily buttered and under-toasted. I resorted to eating the burger without the bun, but without the cloying sweetness there was nothing to counter the crushing saltiness. The bun was a very poor match for the burger. That bun was a very poor match for any burger.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: The dry bun dominated the beef at SmithHouse.

The Fries: The peel-off fries were cut in house. They were competently crisped in vegetable oil, and drizzled with truffle oil and dusted with Parmesan cheese. However, the fries were not salted, so that they were oddly bland in comparison to the overly salty burger. The fries did have delicious creamy centers, though.

The Toppings: The SmithHouse Burger came with very finely shredded Iceberg lettuce. This was an odd choice, since it tasted like nothing, and it developed a mushy texture within seconds of entering the mouth. The pickles, however, were mild, sweet, crisp, and delicious. The burger came with an herb aioli, which was relatively sweet. I just couldn't justify smearing even more fat onto oily burger and oily bun.

The Value: The SmithHouse Burger was $14. This was a burger that I found difficult to get past the 25% mark. I ate half, but that was a stretch. I was uncomfortable during the drive home as a result of eating even that much.

The SmithHouse Burger was one of the most overwrought burgers that I have ever sampled. Perhaps an amuse bouche portion would have been more appropriate. Otherwise, this was a case of too much:

• Too much salt
• Too much funk
• Too much fat
• Too much butter
• Too much sweet
• Too much char

The signature SmithHouse Burger was likely the chef's idea of taking a burger to an 11, but it simply took a lot of good elements and amplified each of them to the point where they were each overwhelming in their own right and at the same time. I brought back half of my burger to the office for Fat Bruce Lee to sample. He was actually on a diet, so he tore into the burger. He took a reckless and gluttonous 1/4 burger bite, and he regretted it almost instantly. He was really taken aback by the sweetness, dryness, and mealiness of the bun. He too found the salt and char to be over the top and unpleasant. He threw the second half away..I repeat...Fat Bruce Lee did not finish even half of this burger. This was truly unfortunate--SmithHouse was within walking distance of our world headquarters, and it would have been nice to have a truly excellent burger so close.

Burger Review : Far too much of a many, ordinarily, good things were combined into a sub-par burger at SmithHouse Tap & Grill.

Rating...2 Bites

Breadbar -- Los Angeles, CA

10250 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90067
310 277 3770
Website

In anticipation of the upcoming Brothers Day holiday, Fat Bruce Lee and I decided to beat the massive crowds and celebrate early with a traditional cheeseburger lunch. Nothing says "Bro" like a burger and fries followed up with fist bumps. Breadbar was on the slate for a re-review. On our previous visit, the quality ingredients were eclipsed by poor preparation. However, every time that we have encountered a Breadbar bun, it has been spectacular. We ordered a couple of the Angus Beef Burgers ($14.75) and settled in to wait.  Our meals arrived in about 10 minutes. This was a VERY different outcome than our previous, disappointing visit.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The burger patties were 8 ounces of Sirloin ground to medium in-house. The beef came from Newport meats. The beef was better than I remembered with beef, blood, and mineral notes from the sirloin. It was a little too oily, but it was also quite juicy and very tender.  The beef was a solid win.

The Seasoning: The exterior was dusted with exactly the right amount of a savory/peppery blend.

The Sear: The sear appeared to come from a very hot grill, and the sear came with a little char. The sear was rich, deep, and added a satisfying crunch. The mild char added a subtle hint of carbon, which was welcome.

The Preparation: Breadbar really nailed the preparation. The burger was cooked to a bloody Med-Rare with that excellent sear. The large patties were loosely formed so that they were firm yet toothsome.

The Cheese: This was an aged Vermont White Cheddar, and it was darn good. The Cheddar's mineral flavors served to boost those notes in the beef, and the umami flavor worked its way through the entire bite. The savoriness of the cheese perfectly balanced out the peppery notes from the seasoning.

The Bun: Hooray for Breadbar buns! We have never encountered a bad burger bun that was sourced from Breadbar. The buns were delivered from Breadbar's El Segundo bakery. The seeded burger bun was properly toasted, moist, springy, tender, just chewy enough, and mildly sweet. Breadbar really does produce the ideal burger bun.

The Meat to Bun Ratio: Dead on.

The Fries: We made the mistake of deviating and getting the Parmesan potato wedges. These were fine, but these were not fries. From what we could see at other tables, the shoe string fries were golden brown.

The Value: $14.75 was a little costly for a cheeseburger. We had the good fortune of being able to walk to this location, so we did not incur a bunch of other costs, so the price was not egregious. A better value for a better burger can be found at MIRU 8691 or Wolfgang's Steakhouse. That said, Breadbar produced the best burger in Century City.

On this visit, we found Breadbar's cheeseburger to be vastly better than it was previously. The quality was surprisingly high for a restaurant in a mall--even an upscale mall like Westfield Century City.

Burger Review : Breadbar produced a fantastic bun and a very good burger. If you had given up on them, now is the time to give them another try. The 2011 version of the burger was far superior to the 2010 version.


Rating...4 Bites

Rock Sugar -- Century City, CA

 Rock Sugar Pan Asian Kitchen
10250 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90067
310-552-9988
Rock Sugar Pan Asian Kitchen Website


Mini Burgers...Mini Review...

Grilled and toasted

• Greasy

• Grilled...not seasoned...bland.

• Overcooked...duh...they were tiny--I feel like a dolt for having asked for this Med Rare

• Not actually cheeseburgers

• Fantastic, tiny, toasted, brioche bun.

Pepsi Max says, "NO!"

Burger Review : Never again.

Rating...2 Bites

Gulfstream -- Century City, CA

10250 Santa Monica Blvd, 
Los Angeles, CA 90067
(310) 553-3636
Gulfstream Website

  

I was out with Colonel Mustard and Side Of Fries today, and what happened at Gulfstream at the Westfield Mall in Century City was baffling. The Hillstone Restaurant Group owns both R + D and Houston's, both of which have put out pure garbage burgers whenever I have tried them. I expected more of the same awfulness at Gulfstream, but instead I was pleasantly surprised...well, sort of. 

The Burger Breakdown... 

• The aged Chuck was freshly ground (medium), in-house, and gently pressed into large (7 oz), flat, uniform patties. 

•  The burger came out a perfect Med Rare. 

• The patty was perfectly seasoned both inside and out.It was cooked on a grill, and that grilling process gave the beef a nice hint of char.  

•  It appeared to be a 75:25 beef to fat ratio, because this was a greasy-ass cheeseburger. Flavorful, but greasy. It was uncomfortably greasy, and that was too bad, because that took away from the excellent flavor of the beef. Oh, and it was pretty greasy.

• The aged beef flavors were intense--funk from the aging, and a solid hit of bloody iron served as front and middle notes.

•  The White Cheddar was perfectly melted and served as a perfect, flavorful complement to the patty. 

• The bun--baked in-house by persons skilled in the craft of sponge making. By "in-house" they meant, "for the restaurant group", because this is the same bun that they served at R + D. The bun was fresh, sweet, and incredibly firm/resilient.  It had the flavor of a Hawaiian Sweet Roll and the texture of a Tempurpedic mattress.  Honestly, the bun was firmer than the beef--when I took a bite of the cheeseburger, I found myself unsuccessfully shearing through the bun to the point where it compressed juice/grease onto my hand from the beef.  It was so chewy that it persisted in my mouth longer than the meat and cheese, which meant that each bite was sweet, chewy bun, savory beef, sweet, chewy bun.  Too much bun. See video, below......that baby crying in the background--we solved it. We made a bed of burger buns, and the baby fell asleep nearly instantly.

• The tomato slices were excellent--ripe, flavorful, and juicy.

• The fries were just awful--thin, greasy, cool, and unseasoned

What I found most surprising was the fact that Gulfstream was able to serve a flavorful product using the same basic ingredients that both Houston's and R + D managed to totally botch. If you were to look out the front door of Gulfstream, you would be able to see Houston's....WTF?  R + D served up a particularly offensive wreck of a cheeseburger--the youngster couldn't stomach that nasty thing, and they are down the street. Oh well, at least there was a small, greasy glimmer of hope at Gulfstream.

Burger Review : Great flavor--a step above its sister restaurants in terms of flavor, but overwhelmingly oily.  Pass. 

Rating...2 Bites

Breadbar -- Century City, CA

Century City Mall
10250 Santa Monica Blvd
Century City, CA 90067
BreadBar Website 

Today's offering comes from Breadbar in the Century City Mall in LA.  Fellow Busters and I settled on Breadbar since it was the only place that we hadn't been to yet and that we didn't already hate.

Strikes against:

• Overcooked--Med Rare request came out Med Well
• Top Bun--only vaguely toasted
• Sear--Mediocre
• Cheese--Unmelted
• Plate--Cool to the touch
• Seasoning--Flakes of sea salt on the burger--too much--the grit was not appropriate.
• Grind--too fine

Now, in spite of all this, the burger was probably the best burger in the area.

• The meat was juicy and flavorful--not enough to overcome the saltiness--it tasted of Angus and blood with a little pepper.
• The meat:bun ratio was right where it needed to be.  The bun looked daunting and dry, but it compressed and yielded properly.
• The cheese, in spite of not being melted, provided a nice complement in terms of flavor and texture.
• The patty was probably pre-formed based on the rubbery edges, but the quality of the beef rose above the abusive handling and preparation.

Burger Review -- A completely flawed burger in terms of preparation, which almost succeeded in spite of the incompetence of the kitchen staff.

Rating...3 Bites

59th & Lex Cafe -- Century City, CA

In the exhaustive quest to power through ALL of the cheeseburgers in our vicinity, TheBurgerBusters went to the restaurant inside Bloomingdales at the Century City Mall.  One would expect a very poor burger considering that it's from a restaurant inside of a department store and that it's a restaurant, which caters to women.  In this case one would be wrong.

What you can't see in this picture is a legendary seared crust on this 1/2 pound of perfect Med Rareness.  The bun was toasted on both sides, which, in this case, made for a satisfying crispness to complement the seared crust and the raw beef. If only they had seasoned it.  It was good--it was competently prepared--the beef was of a high quality (aside from the bone fragments that I found)--but they didn't season the frigging thing. SALT AND PEPPER--it makes all of the difference in the world.



Still, this was the second best burger in Century City--The Stand is the best. Keep in mind that this is a ranking without any distinction.  It's like being the most moral whore in Delaware or the most virtuous Boy Scout. 

Burger Review :  Meh

Rating...2 Bites

The Cellar -- Century City, CA

1880 Century Park E
Los Angeles, CA 90067

(310) 277-1584 

Ready...Set...Terrible! The Cellar is a really cool spot located in Century City, and they provide burger eaters with an amazing weight loss plan. For no extra charge, they will serve you a burger made with gray, spoiled beef, which will cause you to expel--with great force--the cheeseburger and anything that you may have consumed subsequently.

Colonel Mustard and I fulfilled our obligation and ate a couple of these e Coli delivery devices so that you won't have to.  Colonel Mustard learned to love his toilet in a whole new way. I, Just The Tip, got lucky and only had a fever--I managed to pass that tainted monstrosity.  After passing it through my colon, I actually made it safer to eat.

We did sneak back to the kitchen this morning, and we took a picture of the kitchen staff.

 

Even if they hadn't attempted to kill us with spoiled meat, the burger is unexceptional--bland, greasy--eff it.

Burger Review --NEVER AGAIN

Rating...1 Bite

The Stand -- Los Angeles, CA

2000 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, CA 90067
(310) 785-0400
Website

Today Colonel Mustard and I went to The Stand. Actually, Colonel Mustard suggested The Stand, and I grudgingly obliged, since this iteration of The Stand was/is in a glorified food court in Century City in the middle of a bunch of office buildings. In other words, the forecast called for disappointment on a mealy bun.

That forecast was dead wrong, and I am deeply ashamed for having doubted Colonel Mustard--he is a fine human being and a ruggedly handsome man.  The Stand burger was about 10 bucks with a side and a drink. The beef was a nicely aged, preformed, 1/3 pound patty, which got a nice set of grill marks. In spite of the grilling, the lean patty came out Medium without being dry---WIN.  The bun was moist and yeasty, and that yeastiness provided a perfect end note to counterbalance the aged beef funk that I started the bite with.  There were numerous cheese choices--I would suggest that the American cheese was the best bet here, because the cheeseburger was little under-seasoned, and the American cheese added the perfect amount of salt that made the beef really sing.  You can go with Cheddar and season to taste, but you also risk screwing up the entire dish with too much salt.

The burger to bun ratio--just right.  The picture does not do the burger justice.

This was by no stretch the best burger we've ever tried, but it was perfectly fine, and within walking distance from TheBurgerBusters lavishly appointed penthouse suite, which occupies an astonishing amount of space yet retains a modesty and reserved intimacy that one might not expect.  Word.

Burger Review :  Yes, have some. The surroundings created lowered expectations, which The Stand easily exceeded.

Rating...3 Bites

Houston's Restaurant -- Los Angeles, CA

West Los Angeles
10250 Santa Monica Blvd Ste 45
Los Angeles, CA 90067
(310) 557-1285

GAWD, what a well-reviewed puck of overcooked nonsense that thing was. I know, it's a chain, but it's a chain that kept getting reviewed well for their burgers. Heads up...most reviewers are non-chefs and couldn't cook their way out of a wet paper bag even if you started a hole in it for them.


If you order the Houston's burger med rare, prepare for disappointment. They will overcook it. I've tried 4 times--it was consistently overcooked. Frankly, the quality of the preparation and the meat makes the temperature a moot point. It was basically a ground chuck Frisbee--the bun was a pillowy, dry disaster that made want to curse out the poor soul that suggested that thing.


Burger Review : In LA--just go to The Stand down the street--the burgers were far better. The burgers at Houston's were pricey, overcooked and bland.

Rating...1 Bite

Craft in Century City, CA

10100 Constellation Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90067-4604
(310) 279-4180
http://www.craftrestaurant.com

Complete, and overpriced crap. I think Tom Colicchio is an amazing chef, and I have had many stellar meals at Craft in NYC, but the burger at the LA location.....woof---DO NOT WANT.

Round one, aggressively overcooked---sent back---waited a long-ass time to receive a completely mediocre burger--too finely ground, lots of white, connective tissue, and the seasoning in the beef overpowered the flavor of the beef, which is sort of why I ordered, you know.. beef. Maybe Tom was too busy with Top Chef to maintain product quality --maybe there was a wolverine loose in the kitchen. Regardless of the reason---avoid this overpriced lump of sorrow, since a competent cheeseburger was clearly not in the repertoire of the Craft staff in Century City.

Burger Review : Not even close.

Rating...2 Bites