ROFL Cafe--Los Angeles, CA

7661 Melrose Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90046
323-351-1536
website

In the words of the immortal Sam Cooke: "Another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody..." Close, but not quite. I had Happy Meal and a Groupon for ROFL Cafe on Melrose. We found metered parking on the street with no trouble at all. ROFL Cafe was the former home of 8 Oz. Burger Bar. 8 Oz. served up a really good burger (but over-priced), and my hopes were that ROFL would keep the dream alive. The chef of the now shuttered 8 Oz., Govind Armstrong, designed the menu for the new owners. After we placed our order at the counter, we waited for about 15 minutes for our burgers to arrive. Van Morrison's "Days Like This" was playing in the background, and that should have been our queue to walk.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The stingy, 1/3 pound patty was quite beefy in flavor. It was 100% Chuck, and it was peppered with connective tissue. I stopped caring after the first bite, and did not inquire for the source of the beef. It was moderately juicy with a fat content of about 20%. The grind was coarse, and the mouth feel was a little on the chewy side. The beef was average.

The Seasoning: The kitchen at ROFL Cafe hit the burgers with  nice dose of salt and pepper as they cooked on the grill.

The Sear: What sear? The burger patty picked up some grill marks, but the heat had clearly been reserved for my bun, which was burned black. I sent it back and waited an unduly long time for a replacement.

The Preparation: The burgers were cooked on a 20 degrees too cool gas-fired grill. The patties appeared to have arrived pre-formed. I deduced this from the low quality of the beef and the relative chewiness of the cheeseburger. The bun was charred to the point of being too bitter to eat. The service was beyond poor. Even after I walked the burned bun up to the counter, no one came by to check on the food before or after the bun was replaced. A server inquired about our meal as he was clearing our plates, and I indicated that the burger was substandard. This was met with a dull stare and no verbal reply.

The Cheese: The was a nicely melted slice of bland Cheddar. The Cheddar was as mute as the server and as satisfying as the total experience at ROFL Cafe. Consistency!

The Bun: The first try was a burned, dry, chewy offense to buns everywhere. The second attempt was a toasted, moist, yeasty Kaiser roll. Oddly/insultingly, all of the photos of the cheeseburgers scattered throughout ROFL Cafe were of juicy burgers on Brioche buns. Bait and switch. It seemed that standards had been abandoned since the departure of chef Armstrong.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Way too much bun for a skimpy 1/3 pound patty.

The Fries: The Kennebeck potatoes were cut in house and served peel-on. Sadly, the fries were over-cooked during the par-cooking process (Belgian-style). When the fries were cooked the second time, they interiors were rendered gummy, and the exteriors never properly crisped. The fries were properly seasoned, however. Consistency!

The Toppings: The avocado was fine. The bacon was lank. The Bibb lettuce was leathery.

The Ice Cream: Happy Meal felt the need for dessert, so I let him order the chocolate ice cream. The cashier did not mention that the ice cream was full of cinnamon and cayenne pepper flakes. The cinnamon was so heavy that the ice cream was gritty. It was also cloyingly sweet. Consistency!

The Value: WEAK. Even with the Groupon, the cheeseburgers at ROFL Cafe were well over-priced. 11 bucks for a small burger, lank bacon, gummy fries, and a burned bun was on par with a groin punch. 

ROFL Cafe served up what seemed like intentional consistency in every aspect of the experience. Sadly, every aspect, from soup to nuts, was bad.

Burger Review : ROFL = Rip Off, Fully Lousy. I will return when this establishment changes hands again.

Rating....2 Bites

Messhall Kitchen--Los Angeles, CA

4500 Los Feliz Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027
323-660-6377
website

This from the Messhall Kitchen site: "...Located in the heart of Los Feliz, LA’s newest eatery, MessHall, re-interprets regional American dining that founder & CEO Rob Serritella refer's to as a classic "Gastro Tavern".. Our culinary team re-conceptualizes American favorites using local, sustainable, organic and seasonal ingredients...MessHall provides a relaxed atmosphere of social/communal dining and a spacious outdoor patio...

MessHall stands in the storied walls of what was once Willard’s Chicken Inn, and later The Brown Derby.  During the “Golden Age of Hollywood”, legendary film director Cecil B. DeMille opened Willard’s Chicken Inn, a country-colonial chicken restaurant that quickly became the place to be for Hollywood’s elite.  The building’s unique dome-shaped roof allowed for a water pumping system that made it one of the first air conditioned restaurants.  The structure was designed by influential architect Wayne McAllister, credited with creating some of the most popular mid-century drive-ins and car hops..."

Whoopteedoo!  New restaurant...gastrosomething...local ingredients...neato buildiing. Travelogue! The question was, could Messhall serve up a competent cheeseburger? I hoped so, because getting from the Westside to Los Feliz on a Thursday evening was like going to the moon. It took a long time in traffic.

I paid my $4 valet fee, located my dining companion, found seating, and ordered a $15 Mess Burger. The server was surprising knowledgeable about the burger, and this was refreshing.  Cheeseburgers appeared at the table within 15 minutes.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: Messhall used a pre-ground, blend of Brisket, Short Rib, and Chuck from Rocker Brothers. This combination of beef cuts from this purveyor has generally resulted in solid wins. Messhall was not an exception to this rule. The 8-ounce patty was juicy but not obnoxiously so. The flavor was solidly beefy with just a hint of funk from the Short Rib. There was iron from the blood. The fat content was at 20%--the burger was not at all greasy. The Brisket provided its customary fine-grained mouth feel following the firmness of the Chuck. This was right up there with some of my favorite steakhouse burgers. The beef bordered on perfection.

The Seasoning: Messhall applied the proper amount and proportion of salt and pepper to the exterior of the burger patty. This was just enough to make the beef flavor pop without masking any of the nuances brought to the dish by the Short Rib or the spectacular Vermont White Cheddar.

The Sear: Meh. This was my sole qualm with the cheeseburger at Messhall. All of the other elements were there, but the sear was missing. I really wanted a crisp, hearty sear. What I got were lackluster grill marks and no interesting shift in flavor or texture. A thorough sear would have taken this burger to a better place.

The Preparation: The burger patties were thick, flat, and relatively uniform. They were formed during the prep cycle from the pre-ground, pre-blended beef. The patties were formed gently...just firmly enough to hold together on the gas-fired grill. My burger appeared to have been turned 3 times, and this partially explained the lacking sear. I ordered a Med-Rare cheeseburger--I was served a Med-Rare cheeseburger.

The Cheese: The Vermont White Cheddar was phenomenal. Its fine, salty graininess worked perfectly with the Brisket. The Cheddar melted nicely to lend creaminess to the dish. The iron and tangy notes weaved seamlessly throughout the bite to complement the beef without drawing focus from the beef.

The Bun: The bun came to Messhall Kitchen and my plate courtesy of Short Cake LA. While Short Order served up over-priced and poorly considered burgers, the sister bakery, Short Cake LA, made some darn fine burger buns. My burger arrived on a mildly sweet brioche. The brioche was light in the manner of fluffy cake. This was, mercifully, lacking the customary hit of butter and punch of yeast. The bun was a silent bystander with the sole purpose of transporting meat to mouth. In the case of the Messhall Burger, this worked.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Perfect.

The Fries: Hand-cut, Belgian-style (par-cooked), well-seasoned, perfectly browned, with creamy centers and crisp exteriors--the fries were a winner.

The Toppings: The house-made ketchup was a runaway favorite. This was a traditionally smooth ketchup with a wonderful punch of house-smoked tomatoes. The other smokey sauce was a version of 1,000 Island dressing, but made with smoked, ground Casabella peppers--the dried peppers that many establishments use as ornamentation.

The Value: $15 for a 1/2 pound burger and fries was a little steep, but the ingredients were of very high quality. With that taken into consideration, the value was average.

Messhall Kitchen served up a very good cheeseburger. The ingredients were solid as was the preparation. This was the best burger sampled to date in that part of Los Angeles.

Burger Review: Great cheeseburgers and great service at Messhall in Los Feliz.

Rating...5 Bites (rounded up from 4.5)

Five Guys to open in London

Dear England,

You are welcome.

Sincerely,

The United States of America

Link to story

Snake Pit Ale House--Los Angeles, CA

7529 Melrose Ave,
Los Angeles, CA 90046
310-653-2011
website
This may be one of the worst websites ever.

I had a Groupon for The Foundry, and I had heard good things about the burger there. However, when The Marinater and I arrived, we discovered that The Foundry was closed for renovations. This displeased me, but Groupon issued a prompt refund. This enraged The Marinater, who proceeded to beat up a city bus and rip a manhole cover in half. It was like watching Godzilla on PCP, but I digress.

We wandered for a bit and came upon Snake Pit Ale House. As luck would have it, they had a burger on the menu. We found free parking in the neighborhood about a block away. We spoke with the manager for a bit, and settled on a couple of $10 burgers. The shtick at Snake Pit Ale House was that one could load up that $10 burger with all sorts of toppings at no extra charge. I ordered my customary meat, bun, and cheese with a few sauces on the side. Our cheeseburgers arrived in about 15 minutes.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: The beef was 100% Angus, Chuck. It was sourced at Jetro, a cash and carry restaurant wholesaler. The 6-ounce patty was about 80% lean. It was moderately beefy, and that was it. The burger meat here was perfectly average. The mouth feel of the coarsely ground beef patty was bordering on crumbly.

The Seasoning: The seasoning applied to the burger patties at Snake Pit Ale House seemed to be a sort of curry mixture. It was interesting, but not entirely appropriate for a cheeseburger. I would preferred something far more savory. This seasoning was more aromatic, and this didn't really work with the American standard dish.

The Sear: The kitchen got a mighty sear on my burger patty. Sadly, without salt and pepper, the dryish beef didn't benefit from this. It only served to make the burger a little drier.

The Preparation: The Marinater and I both requested Medium, and we both got Well Done burgers. The thick, irregular patties were formed by hand prior to the lunch shift.

The Cheese: Snake Pit Ale House offered a variety of cheese choices. I went with Cheddar. Honestly, I didn't even notice the cheese. The burger and bun were dry to the point where the cheese did not register on my palate.

The Bun: Here was where it all went terribly wrong. The brioche was toasted and toasted hard. It was crisp and dark like a thick cracker. After a few bites, it felt as it the roof of my mouth had been sandblasted. I tapped the bun with my knife to show the manager that it made a "thock thock" noise when struck. I asked if this was what they wanted to go with. He was honest and told me that this was how they served their burgers. I applauded that honesty--I did not applaud that dessicated bun. It seemed that the bun was meant to stand up to a heap of wet toppings and sauces. When I dipped my burger in the gravy or the BBQ sauce, the dish made more sense, but that bun was just mean-spirited.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Who knows....all I know is that I had zero chance of catching food poisoning, since everything was cooked within an inch of its life.

The Fries: Same deal as the burger bun. The fries at Snake Pit Ale House were cooked until they were nearly burned. They were dark, and they remained crisp even at room temperature.

The Value: Meh. I suppose if one were to load up the burger with toppings and firmly instruct the kitchen not to immolate the food, then the value would be fine. As it was, the value was mediocre.

If you go to Snake Pit Ale House, go for the 20+ beers on tap. If you really have to have the burger, then load up on the toppings.

Rating...2 Bites

True Burger -- Los Angeles, CA

850 S La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, CA
323-549-9488
 

I had only recently learned that the original Umami Burger location had been shuttered. That location had previously served some amazingly good and some amazingly bad burgers. Quality control during expansion took its toll on that location, and I was glad to see it close. While running an errand, I noticed there was a new business open in that building. The Marinater and I showed up the next evening to sample the cheeseburgers at the recently opened (May 13, 2013) True Burger. True Burger was diagonal to Mo Better Burgers, and it was just South of both Rascals and Luna Park. There was no lack of burger competition on that stretch of La Brea Ave. that had been dominated by the once great Umami Burger.

The interior was largely unchanged, but the service was better. Our cheery server took our orders, and we waited for about 10 minutes for our $11 True Burger cheeseburgers to arrive. While we waited, we chatted with the GM and learned more about True Burger.

The Burger Breakdown...

The Beef: True Burger created the thick patties from a custom blend of Skirt Steak and Short Rib. This was sourced from Meyer Natural Angus. The beef was 100% hormone-free, grass-fed, Angus. The patties were about 6.5 ounces each, which was a relief. The former tenant served up burgers so small that one left hungry. This was not the case at True Burger...we were pleasantly full after we each had a burger and some of the generous portion of fries. The beef was exceptional with plenty of blood and juices to go around. The fat content was 20%. The flavor was beefy, and it was rich with minerals from the steak. The funk was mild. The mouth feel was superb--the Med-Rare Skirt Steak and Short Rib blend were just firm enough to linger after the bun and cheese had departed. It was reminiscent of Umami Burger in terms of the quality of the beef. The beef at True Burger did not smack us with a heavy dose of umami flavor, and that was appropriate. The burger tasted of simple, high-quality ingredients. 

The Seasoning: The exterior of the burgers was dusted with a savory seasoning blend. This was just right, and it served to amp up the strong beef flavor.

The Sear: The sear on the underside of my burger patty was relatively unimpressive. The sear on the top of the patty was crisp and imparted a nice texture shift to the Med-Rare patty. The sear worked.

The Preparation: True Burger took the time to grind and blend their own burger beef. The grind was coarse, and the uniformly thick and round patties were packed loosely. The burgers were seared to a perfect Med-Rare on a properly hot griddle/flat top.

The Cheese: The True Burger came with white Cheddar. The Cheddar was perfectly melted. This particular cheese was creamy, savory, and tangy. The Cheddar stood up to the beef and bun and delivered a subtle tart note that carried through the bite to deliver an even counterpoint to the savory and beef notes of the burger patty.

The Bun: The bun came from Melrose Baking Company. The bun was a fresh, light, fluffy, moist, unseeded and thoroughly toasted burger bun. The bottom bun was toasted to the point that it delivered crunch in every bite--this was a detail that I deeply appreciated. The bun was moderately sweet with no note of yeast.

The Meat To Bun Ratio: Perfection.

The Toppings: I ordered my cheeseburger bare, so that I could sample it in its elemental state. However, the house-made ketchup was spot on, and it tasted fresh and like something directly from the garden. The ginger mustard was a fine dipping sauce for the fries. The sweet soy reduction...what wasn't to like about that. The plate was garnished with a nice assortment of pickled vegetables, which was a nice touch. The BIG winner was the Bacon Jam. This was a misnomer, since it amounted to a second course composed of pig candy. The Bacon Jam at True Burger was 1/4 inch cubes of cured bacon, which had been slow cooked and then coated in a sweet glaze. True Burger, why did you wait so long to appear?  When I die, my sole regret shall be that I did not eat enough of True Burger's Bacon Jam.

The Fries: These came in bagged, par-cooked, and frozen. The fries came to the table perfectly crisped and seasoned. The generous portion was more than enough for the stuffed Marinator and myself.

The Value: Kaboom! We were stuffed. True Burger served up a man-sized cheeseburger. The fries, while $4 extra, were abundant. An average of $13 each for a filling and excellent burger was just fine.

True Burger's cheeseburger seemed to get better with every bite. I begged the GM of the new establishment not to fuss with it. It was just perfect the way that it was. Quality ingredients, passion for food, and diligent care in the preparation all came through in a truly delicious burger.

Burger Review : Go to True Burger. Go there before it is discovered and the inevitable lines form. If there is a line, stand in it...it will be worth the wait.

Rating...5 Bites (rounded up from 4.5)