59th & Lex Cafe -- Century City, CA

In the exhaustive quest to power through ALL of the cheeseburgers in our vicinity, TheBurgerBusters went to the restaurant inside Bloomingdales at the Century City Mall.  One would expect a very poor burger considering that it's from a restaurant inside of a department store and that it's a restaurant, which caters to women.  In this case one would be wrong.

What you can't see in this picture is a legendary seared crust on this 1/2 pound of perfect Med Rareness.  The bun was toasted on both sides, which, in this case, made for a satisfying crispness to complement the seared crust and the raw beef. If only they had seasoned it.  It was good--it was competently prepared--the beef was of a high quality (aside from the bone fragments that I found)--but they didn't season the frigging thing. SALT AND PEPPER--it makes all of the difference in the world.



Still, this was the second best burger in Century City--The Stand is the best. Keep in mind that this is a ranking without any distinction.  It's like being the most moral whore in Delaware or the most virtuous Boy Scout. 

Burger Review :  Meh

Rating...2 Bites

Pat's -- Los Angeles, CA

9233 W Pico Blvd Ste 200
Los Angeles, CA 90035
(310) 205-8705


Warning: This is not really a cheeseburger review--Pat's is a Kosher restaurant, so cheese was not on the menu.  Also bacon, lobster, shrimp, and pretty much everything else worth living for was off limits.


That said, Pat's did a good job with a burger.  The burger, while bloodless (damn, those guys have a lot of rules), was properly seasoned, perfectly cooked, and they got a nice sear on the coarsely ground chuck patty from the grill.  The burger was flavorful but greasier than it needed to be, and the bun was a little overwhelming.  Not worth photographing since we are cheeseburger fetishists.


Burger Review --  Goy Fail, but pretty good for Kosher


Thanks to Eli Goldburger for introducing us to a new spot.

Apple Pan -- Los Angles, CA

Address:  Don't bother--it was a miserable waste of beef.

Today, after seeing The Tooth Fairy (yes, The FREAKING Tooth Fairy) with the Happy Meal (the youngest BurgerBuster), we decided to try The Apple Pan BurgerBuster style.

I'm not sure what kind of machine that they had in the back, but it turned burgers into water--like an opposite day version of Jesus.  Have mercy--it was like eating daikon radish shavings at a Japanese restaurant.  It tasted like exactly like nothing. The patty was perfectly seared, the bun toasted, and the Tillamook Cheddar was nicely melted, and somehow, it tasted like nothing.

On the plus side, the banana cream pie was good.

Also, The Tooth Fairy was a crappy movie.

Burger Review --NO!  It was the sort of burger that I could finish, but it was by no means enjoyable.

Rating...2 Bites

Grilled Cheese Burger -- BurgerBusters Test Kitchen

Today in the BurgerBusters test kitchen located in a heavily guarded bunker--buried deep in the bedrock of Los Angeles--think Cheyenne Mountain, but with a better equipped kitchen and fewer Army guys--a new level of SUPER AWESOME was unleashed.

I was inspired by that lame looking, Carl's Jr. grilled cheese burger, so I decided to make it good.

I coarsely ground some partially trimmed, top sirloin, gently mixed in salt and pepper, formed it into thick loosely packed patties, and seared them in a blazing hot, cast iron skillet to to Med Rare. I let them rest for 10 minutes. Anything beyond Med Rare, and the lean patties would have been dry.

The bun was a grilled cheese sandwich made using Orowheat Buttermilk bread--sliced thinly with a slice of American cheese and pressed flat using a pannini press to grill it into toasted, cheesy perfection.  The "buns" were trimmed to size using a coffee mug.  This technique also sealed the edges.

The assembled end result--AWESOMENESS.  It was a Med Rare steak and a grilled cheese sandwich in the same bite.  It would have been hard to eff that up.

Burger Review : Epic Win--I needed a nap. Also, the 6-year old Burger Buster (Happy Meal) approved. After taking his first bite, he looked up and said, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." He ate it without condiments. Those were two of the highest forms of praise.

The Cellar -- Century City, CA

1880 Century Park E
Los Angeles, CA 90067

(310) 277-1584 

Ready...Set...Terrible! The Cellar is a really cool spot located in Century City, and they provide burger eaters with an amazing weight loss plan. For no extra charge, they will serve you a burger made with gray, spoiled beef, which will cause you to expel--with great force--the cheeseburger and anything that you may have consumed subsequently.

Colonel Mustard and I fulfilled our obligation and ate a couple of these e Coli delivery devices so that you won't have to.  Colonel Mustard learned to love his toilet in a whole new way. I, Just The Tip, got lucky and only had a fever--I managed to pass that tainted monstrosity.  After passing it through my colon, I actually made it safer to eat.

We did sneak back to the kitchen this morning, and we took a picture of the kitchen staff.

 

Even if they hadn't attempted to kill us with spoiled meat, the burger is unexceptional--bland, greasy--eff it.

Burger Review --NEVER AGAIN

Rating...1 Bite