Friday, November 20, 2009

Father's Office Redux -- Culver City, CA

No address is given, because I do not want anyone to find it.
Website

I hadn't ventured into Father's Office for years, but I recalled the burger as being abhorrent...my recollection was correct. This time Fat Bruce Lee and I went to the Culver City location, and found that, if nothing else, Father's Office was consistent. I would not have returned ever again based upon that first experience, but these d-bags (pictured) swore up and down that Father's Office made an amazing burger. It's our job to choke down the worst so that our readers don't have to, so we bravely allowed gustatory history to repeat itself.

It was as if Father's Office set out to make a colossally awful cheeseburger, but then they just effortlessly vaulted over that bar to produce something truly egregious. The complexity and thoroughness with which this meal went wrong would require a white board to really show all of the ways that this was awful, but I will do my best. We know that this review does not reflect what many may feel about this place, but it is an honest and accurate description of our experience.

Ready...Set...Terrible!

1. They did not let me order the burger with less stuff on it. It came with caramelized onions, a blend of cheeses, and arugula.  Yep, I didn't attempt to substitute anything.  I asked to simply leave stuff off to avoid wasting those ingredients.  As a result, those ingredients (onions and arugula went straight to the trash. I get that they don't want substitutions, but this was actually asking to do less.
1.a. Caramelized onions were sweet, slimy, and greasy. GROSS
1.b. Arugula....a bitter green. WHY?
2. I did enjoy a scene at the bar where a woman was rebuffed for attempting to order a drink containing vodka. She was condescendingly informed that Father's Office does not stock vodka at the bar. They knew what was good, and it wasn't vodka. The bartender actually chastised her for ordering something as flavorless as vodka. Comedy.
3. The fries showed up at least 10 minutes before our burgers. I recalled ordering a burger with fries rather than fries and then a burger.
4. The fries came with tartar sauce. Well, aioli,, but aioli, which most closely resembled tartar sauce--unpleasantly oily tartar sauce.
5. I asked for ketchup, and I was told that they do not have ketchup-- Neat....greasy, shoestring fries dipped in a thick, oily sauce.
6. The burgers were served on crusty rolls, which were slathered in butter.....greasy. Without the extra fat, these would have been OK.
7. The burgers were ground Sirloin--a fine start.  The burgers were seared on a griddle--excellent......but then they were either braised or held in a steam table, which saturated the crust and contained the rare interior of the burger in a 3/16 of an inch, rubbery rind of grayish meat and waterlogged sear. It made for an unpleasant mouth feel.
8. This also served to preserve all of the liquid fat inside of the burger, so when I bit into it, it leaked/squirted grease into my mouth. That coupled with the really oily, Bleu/Gruyere cheese blend on top of the burger, and I had a greasy mess on my hands. Frankly, the only thing that kept this abomination from soaking my hands up to the wrists in grease was the hard crust of the roll.
9. The beef was dry-aged Angus, so it had a nice funk to it, but it needed savory seasonings or condiments to overcome the sweet residue of the onions and the braise (or whatever it was they did to wreck the outside).
10. Speaking of which, don't bother requesting mustard and salt--they didn't have mustard--the salt...I waited 5 minutes, for it to be grudgingly be dropped off in a plastic condiment cup rather than a proper ramekin.
11. They were not busy--only 1/3 full, but the service was not only dismissive, but it was also incredibly inattentive--not one person was remotely curious as to the quality of the food......It brought to mind the first bar scene in Desperado:
Short Bartender
: What do you want?
Buscemi: Beer.
Short Bartender: All I got is piss-warm Chango.

Bitter, slimy, greasy, sweet, bland, and rubbery are not things associated with a good burger--these are things that you might find in a diaper. These were all things associated with the Father's Office cheeseburger. This was a lousy, excuse for a burger. Honestly, the only reason that I did not purge that abhorrent thing was due to the fact that I did not want to taste it twice.

They might as well have called this place "Father Knows Best", because they were obnoxious and recalcitrant regarding the accommodation of any requests, and they stubbornly put out a consistently awful product. Chef Sang Yoon was behind this burgerpocalypse. What boggled (and continues to do so) my mind was that the citizens of Los Angeles continued to eat and crow about this pile of greasy crap. At the time of this posting, and well past that, there was a discussion board on ChowHound.com where they actually defended this outhouse on a bun. 

Sadly, this father--Chef Yoon--was an obnoxious hack who put style above substance and delivered a miserable dining experience and a pig awful cheeseburger. Amazingly, Father's Office managed to screw up ground sirloin--it took a real effort to turn that into garbage.

Burger Review : NO!

Rating...1 Bite

8 comments:

  1. I can't prove it, but I've always thought that Sang Yoon developed the "don't ask/there's no hope" rule originally to: (1) trick "Angelenos" into buying his product (we love dictators out here, because it's so un-American); and (2) avoid having to hire a competent kitchen staff. I mean, you'd have to be among the top 1% of CIA grads to handle real-time requests like, "Hey, man, no arugula on that burger!"

    Some of the F.O. fanatics will defend the place by whining that "the burger's not the only thing on the menu. They've got real food in there." My standard rebuttal is "Rustic Canyon," which has much-better real food and which, like 99.9% of restaurants, allows customers to choose the toppings on their burger from a finite list and even -- at least the last time I was there -- to choose the topics for conversation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well said--Rustic Canyon is on our list, and it looks like a tasty burger.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  3. IMO, this was an obnoxious, mean-spirited very skewed review. Certainly this reviewer holds the minority opinion as I know scores of people that love the burgers and many of their other dishes as well (beet salad, wild mushroom salad, spicy soft shell crabs when in season, etc.) and F.O. has made most Top 5 and Top 10 L.A. Burger lists for years now. I think it's important to make the distinction that this place is a BAR (no one under 21 allowed to enter) and SM location is a very SMALL bar, that just happens to also serve some very tasty food. They have a small kitchen at both locations and a very limited menu of regular items plus a few seasonal specials all of which are executed well. By streamlining what they offer and how they offer it, with no substitutions, additions or subtractions, they are able to keep the quantity of ingredients they need to stock manageable and the quality of what they serve consistently high. This is NOT a full service restaurant sand they are not trying to be one. It's clearly posted in both locations that there are no substitutions whatsoever and not to bother asking for any changes. If that bothers a prospective patron, then they should eat somewhere else where they can customize what they order to their heart's content. Chef/owner Yoon believes in his vision of what the perfect hamburger is and that's what he serves. He is doing just fine serving the mostly frequently repeat customers who love the place. Remember the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld? What about Sushi Nazi chef/owner of Sushi Nozawa in Studio City? He has the same kind of purist philosophy as Chef Yoon and it's nearly always packed although there are a lot of people out there that don't like the place because he is so strict about what he serves. So I guess one could consider Chef Yoon the Burger Nazi. I've had their burgers at least a couple of dozen times, a few at the original SM location and the rest at the CC one. I've only had them for lunch/brunch on weekends and much prefer the CC location because it's much easier to park and to find a seat. It can be madness at night I've heard... not my thing. Never had a burger there that didn't taste like it came right off the griddle... not a steam table. Delicious. The crusty rolls on which they serve the burgers are atypical but are just right with his burgers which are SO juicy when ordered medium rare, that softer buns like so many other restaurants use would get soggy and fall apart. These don't and it's just the right bread to meat ratio. Mine have never come 'slathered in butter'. The carmelized onions are 'jammy' just like they are supposed to be. If you order the potato or sweet potato fries with your burger, a huge pile come on the same plate as your burger and at a lower price than a separate order. They have always been hot and crispy. BTW, what's served with their frites style fries is aioli, not tartar sauce. They are not the same thing at all. Aioli is an emulsion made with oil as is mayonnaise (and mayonnnaise is the base for tartar sauce) but real aioli is not made with eggs while mayonnaise is. Aioli is typically served with frites (the original skinny crispy "French" fry like the ones served at F.O.) in France. I could go on counter just about every point in your review. But bottom line is that your description of their burger is so completely foreign to the burgers I've had there, it's like a whole different universe. So for anyone reading this who has not had the burger or other dishes at F.O., I'd suggest taking this site's review with a grain of salt, keeping an open mind, giving F.O. a try and drawing your own conclusion. And remember folks, it's mostly a BAR that also serves some food.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We have found the LA equivalent of the Soup Nazi. No Burger for YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tried it. Burger was so-so. Service was terrible. Not much value for what you get. Tons of better places around. This place is really about the hype and the fad rather than the food and the service.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anon #4 above said it: hyped-up average food, which apparently is enough to make Top 5/10 lists and satisfy diners like Anon #3.

    The review is almost spot-on to my impressions the two times I've eaten at FO. Their burger is too sweet, lacks beefy oomph, and is overly wet. Other dishes at FO are also ho-hum and overpriced. Being "mostly a BAR that also serves some food," as Anon #3 puts it, is no excuse for mediocrity.

    ReplyDelete
  7. YES YES YES! Finally! Someone speaks out on this pretentious place. I brought my Dad to taste this infamous burger and he's a traditionalist when it comes to the burger. He's a meat and potatoes man. So, when he orders, he usually says he's allergic to the dressings and asks to simply leave them off or on the side. Seriously...they wouldn't do it. Incredulously, I asked for the manager and he repeated the sentiment saying that the "CHEF" wants EVERYONE to experience his burger the way he designed and created it. I tried to be cool about it and not leave in a huff so, he ordered something else. I ordered this stuck up burger to see what the fuss was about. Nothing. And, for $16 it should of been amazing. It was nothing to write home about. I got more irate about this as the day went on and eventually I told all my friends not to go to Fathers Office and that I would never give them my business again. They suck royally. I guess they can afford to piss people off and only cater to people who don't question what they eat. They just do as they're told.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This review may be a bit harsh, but it's the funniest thing I read in a while! Bravo.

    ReplyDelete

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